Play Nice

by Rachel Harrison

What’s that thing, when you feel the urge to jump off a building? Isn’t there a name for that impulse? I don’t want to die. I just want to know how it feels to fall.

What do I do? Turn around. Look. Don’t look. Don’t move. No. Run. I’m cold. I’m so cold. I’m sweating. I’m ruining this beautiful dress. It’s ruined. You’re ruining your beautiful life. It’s ruined. It’s been ruined. You ruined it. You want to feel something. You feel too much. You. You hate everything you feel. You need to feel something different. Something louder. You should light yourself on fire.

I am home. And I don’t feel it.