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not being there for him right now when I know he’s at his worst seems contrary to loving him.
I came to dance with possibly the greatest dancer there’s ever been. And since I got here, I’ve tried to be whatever the hell he needed me to be: a rival, a punching bag, a quick fuck, a friend, a sounding board. Whatever you needed, I’ve tried to be.
You asked me what I want? Honestly, I thought that was crystal clear, princess, but apparently not. I want you. Always have. And I’ll take you in whatever fucking capacity I’m allowed to have you.
“I think… maybe… you’re the only person I trust, Nico. I’m so fucking alone. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.” I smooth a hand over his hair. “You’re not alone, baby. I promise you, you’re not. I’m here; let me be here for you.”
he’s a fucking mountain. Unshakable and strong, and it’s with a weak and soft heart that I realise that the shadow I’ve always been resentful of, is one I now want to live under. I want to use it for shelter and warmth. Have it at my back when it rains. Have it warm me when I’m alone and afraid.
“Thirteen days.” “And you haven’t put anything in here? No toys or fingers or…” I shake my head.
“It’s perfect, it’s so fucking perfect, shit, Nico, fuck.” “Your language is atrocious, you know that, right?” “Shut the fuck up and fuck me.”
“The only reason I came back at all was because Ben offered me the chance to dance with you.”
He’s going to hit me again but there’s suddenly a body between me and my dad and a voice speaking to my father in a way no one has ever dared to in all the years I’ve been alive. “Don’t you fucking dare,” Nico growls. “Try it and I’ll break your fucking hand.”
“Mind your own bloody business,” my dad seethes. “Oh, he is very much my fucking business, Mr Brooke.”
“Are you okay? I wanted to hit him; would you have wanted that? I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t, but shit, I really wanted to.”
Today, for a moment, I lost everything. But he stayed.
He’s the only thing I don’t think I could live without. Fuck. I love him. I love Nico Savini.
There was an additional term in there if you recall: a guarantee that I would be cast in a single production where Felix Taylor-Brooke was given a lead role.
“Felix is an arrogant, insubordinate, overindulged nuisance, and you know it.” I did know it. I knew it, and I loved him for it.
“Love him the way he deserves, Nico. The way no one ever has.” He turns and crosses the road towards his waiting car. “I already do,” I say quietly.
“Okay, see you out there, princess.” When he reaches behind him to unlock the door, his eyes go from lust-filled to tender. “You’ve got this.” Because I’ve got you.
He steps onto the stage first, and I follow, as I always have.
Achilles and Patroclus. Felix and Nico.
“I want to take you home, strip you naked, and eat your ass until the sun comes up.”
“I don’t know what I did in a previous life to deserve you, Nicoló Savini, fuck knows I haven’t done much right in this one, but I’m going to make sure that from here on out you know how fucking special you are.
“Yes, I love you, and I fucking hate it.”
don’t know what I want.” He makes a quiet, frustrated sound. “Have you ever?” “Yes, once. When I wanted you.”
“But if the show didn’t have two male leads? Then what?” “Then you’d be lead,”
“You were Nico fucking Savini?!” “I mean, I still am, last time I checked.”
“Do you still love me though?” “No, I hate you.”
I obviously still hate him, I also happen to love him a whole lot more.
