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To Jame, for finding me
HELENA WONDERED SOMETIMES IF SHE STILL HAD eyes.
“I will die before I lose her,” Ferron said, his grip tightening.
“She’ll never be yours.”
“Ferron always comes for me,”
Ferron will come. Ferron will come.
“If I’d known what pain you’d cause me, I never would have taken you.”
“Stay … please … stay.”
If you die, I will kill every single one of them.”
“Whether you win a battle or lose it, all I see is the cost.”
“You’re so young. You don’t even know how young you are. You’re sacrificing things you don’t even comprehend the value of.”
“Don’t die, Marino. I might miss you.”
She couldn’t fix herself anymore, and no one else seemed inclined to even notice she was breaking.
“You’re like a rose in a graveyard,”
“You made me feel like the parts of me that aren’t useful still deserve to exist. Like I’m not just all the things I can do.”
“Everyone wanted a lot for me, and I’m not sure I ever knew what I wanted.” She shrugged. “Probably good that I didn’t, since it didn’t matter in the end.”
She wanted him to know. It was real. For her, it had always been real.
“I can’t—I can’t do this again—” he finally gasped out. “I can’t care for someone again. I can’t take it.”
“After all, I did choose you.”
“You are not replaceable,”
“I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”
She was locked in the dangerous embrace of Kaine Ferron, and it felt like home.
“—I can’t help feeling like we’re mostly the same.”
“You’re a far better person than I am. This world doesn’t deserve you at all.”
“Don’t worry. I’m always going to come back to you.”
“Be careful, Kaine. Don’t die.”
“With you, I would.” She forced a smile. “Then we’ll go together. After the war.”
“When the war is over. We’ll run away somewhere no one knows us. We’ll disappear—forever.”
“Call me, and I will come.”
“You are so much more than what the war has done to you.”
I love you. I will always love you. I will always take care of you.
“Be careful,” she whispered. “Don’t die.”
She would know him blind.
Someday, she promised herself, someday I am going to love him in a moment that isn’t stolen.
“Of course I looked for you. I looked everywhere for you. Did you think I left you there?”
“Every time you asked, I promised I was yours. Always. There aren’t any exemptions or expiration dates on always.”
“I love you. You left, and I’d never told you.”
“I love you,” she said, kissing him. “I wish I’d told you a thousand times.”
don’t want to choose. I always have to choose, and I never get to choose you. I’m so tired of not getting to choose you.”
Helena watched him and recognised the expression that slowly filled his eyes as he stared at the tiny person tenaciously clinging to him: possessive adoration.
