Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance

by Alison Espach

It was death, I knew, waiting in the most unexpected places

But I couldn’t stop feeling that they were more than that, that everything was secretly alive, which was why I also said goodbye to the radiators before we left.

remind me that I was problematically shy and so I became shier.

wish I could have stayed at the funeral forever. At the funeral, you were still with us, right there in the middle of the church.

Did you know that Lewis and Clark had to build their own canoes when they were already on their expedition? Can you imagine?

I hated how this happened, how certain audiences could turn something wonderful into something humiliating.

I like small houses. Grapefruit spoons. Where all you need is one good dog.”

“But what about me?” I asked. “You don’t want to be with me?” I was so stupid. I was like the seal. Returning to shore over and over and over again.

He would have given me his skin if I were cold. If I asked for it.

I like knowing that my problems exist within a large and respected tradition of problems. That ever since the beginning of civilization, humans have been very upset.

But you will return to us, I know. When we are repainting the house or making pancakes for breakfast or digging in the garden or laughing at something funny with our heads back and our mouths wide open—the way you always laughed—we will