Manhood: How to Be a Better Man-or Just Live with One

by Terry Crews

It’s a shame dynamic with guys. That’s why I’ve always said, if there’s a pack of four guys, even four really good guys, something stupid is about to happen. Because no one wants to seem weak in front of the other guys, and so they will do anything, anything, just to prove they’ll do it. That’s why we need that female energy around to get us to stop and think about what we’re doing. Otherwise, we will go right off the ledge, and everybody’s too scared to stop it.

And then I came to understand that, as humans, we’re meant to be much more active than we are. There was also something so positive about actually having an impact on my situation.

We determine our core value.

“What are you doing, man?” he said. “Why did you tell your wife?” “Dude, I had to be honest. I had to be real.” “Man, never,” he said. “What is your problem? That’s man code, brother. You don’t tell.” “Well, if that’s man code, I’m not a man, then, because I’m not living that way anymore,” I said. “I can’t do it. How could I be a man if I lived that way?”

Destroy All Monsters.

Humble yourself. Discover what your monsters are. Be honest with yourself.

I really think much of it was only possible because of how I’d witnessed Rebecca handle our marriage. My anger toward Big Terry was perfectly justifiable, just like her anger toward me, but if I’d just stayed in that anger, and in my pride, there would have been no way for the relationship to move forward and to deepen and grow. Once I’d humbled myself, and once I’d had the courage to lead with compassion rather than anger, as I’d seen Rebecca do, I realized that everything is not about good or bad. It’s about what you can learn from it.

And that’s the real secret to manhood: having the courage to be man enough to support the ones who make you great.