Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002

by David Sedaris

If nothing else, a diary teaches you what you’re interested in.

That’s the thing with a diary, though. In order to record your life, you sort of need to live it. Not at your desk, but beyond it. Out in the world where it’s so beautiful and complex and painful that sometimes you just need to sit down and write about it.

I am totally frustrated and can’t relieve it. Nothing to go back to, and nothing to look forward to.

A woman on All Things Considered wrote a book of advice called If You Want to Write and mentioned the importance of keeping a diary. It was valuable, she said, because after a while you’d stop being forced and pretentious and become honest and unafraid of your thoughts.

It’s so sad to see human shit out of context.

Everyone says, “Thank God the eighties are over,” and I wonder if they say that about every decade.

This spring I am, if I’m not mistaken, in love.

Looking into the future lately, I see nothing but a mess.

Today I saw a one-armed dwarf carrying a skateboard. It’s been ninety days since I’ve had a drink.

The movie Groundhog Day was released in Germany with the title Eternally Weeps the Groundhog. That is so beautiful.

If you see devils, they lock you up, but in America, if you see angels, they put you on morning TV.

unintentional animals

When given a voice, our flag is not someone you’d choose to spend a lot of time with.