I don’t know what to do moving forward, but I do know that I’m going to do my best not to hurt her again. I’m not leaving because I care. I’m not leaving because you matter. I replay her words over and over in my head. She cares. I matter to her. She chose to stay. I hold on to that. I let it propel me through the rest of the afternoon. Through the whole show. I sink my teeth into it and refuse to let go as I lie down to sleep. She matters. She fucking matters. And I can’t lose her.
