Wild ​Reverence

by Rebecca Ross

For anyone who has ever had to let go of someone they love

“Matilda?” my mother repeated, surprised. “Why?” “It means mighty in battle.”

I would rather be feared than ever be loved.”

but the truth is that we measure life by the end of it,

“How am I to find my magic if you are always suffocating it?”

“The scales are few and far between. They do not make their way into any Skyward hand but only a select few, if that is what you are worried about. But also because we possess hearts, as much as we try to ignore them, and a heart always wants what it cannot have,”

He dreamt of the river again, and this time, he also dreamt of me.

“Do not let the dreams make you too soft,” she said. “Guard your own soul, child.”

“Your mother wanted moonstones to remind you of home,” Phelyra said. “So you never forget where you come from. But I gave them a little of my own enchantment.”

“I do not want her beholden to any of us,” Bade replied. “Not to him, not to me. She belongs to herself.”

My heart was in my throat, tugging me sharply heavenward. I took a step forward and felt as if I could rise. As if I had truly sprouted wings between the eaves of my shoulders. It was my magic, leading me to Rowena.

At first I thought, He is afraid, but then I realized his embrace was not because he feared for himself. He was holding on to me like he was an anchor in a storm. A weight to keep me grounded. He held me because he feared I was about to be carried away.

And I had not realized how strong I was until that moment. My childhood had truly melted away,

leaving behind a burnished version of me.

I realized he had been aiming to kiss me on the mouth. Surprise rippled down my spine. But then a pleasant warmth fanned across my skin, as if I had drawn close to a fire after a long cold night. Vincent blushed.

“I … I’m sorry,” he breathed. “You’re the bravest girl I know, and you’re here, after all these months when I’ve only seen you in dreams. I did not know that you were real. I thought … I don’t know what I thought. But I—”

I pressed my mouth to his like a seal. A kiss of innocence that was brief but earnest. When I eased back, we looked at each other again, sharing another moment of pure, delighted shock. Then I laughed, joy cresting through me like a wave. Vincent joined me, and we laughed until we cried, and my ribs felt bruised from the glee, and it seemed as if we had drunk all the light from the sky. I realized that I could hold such happiness. There was a space for it, hidden within me, and it could grow deeper roots if I let it. “How did you find me?” Vincent asked once our laughter had subsided. “I was not trying to,” I confessed. “I stumbled upon you.” “Like you did in my dreams?”

And I wondered how it was possible for my heart to miss something that I had never experienced.

She wanted to know how much of a mark a soul had left behind.

“You are dreaming. Anything is possible here. It is yours to command.”

Her words slowly sank into me, and where once there was gray, cold rain, there was now sun and blue sky. And where once there was hardly anything to hold on to, there was now a rope.

I did not think I was strong enough to do it, but Red’s presence—her words—stirred something in me. I took her hand and the dead eithral became smoke, the cliff melted into ink.

“I will not forget this, Mother,” I whispered, and then rose to my feet. “Find your rest in the mists.” Trembling, I ran to the forge. I ran to Bade.

“You have grown into something lovely.”

I had not felt such agony in a long time, and I willed myself to be cold. To mend whatever seam this moment had torn open. Let ice grow over my bones until they would not break, and I would not feel, and I would not regret what could have been.

“Lord,” she said to me in a husky voice. “May I speak privately with you?” I was tempted to say no. No, I do not want to be alone with you. No, I do not want to hear what you have to say after all these years of silence. No, I do not want to return to childhood, when I felt safe with you.