A Simple Mistake (Deadly Mistakes #1)

by Alice Winters

Sometimes I’m so fucking stupid I can’t understand how people think I’m intelligent.

He’s the only person alive that I could never kill no matter what. It could be like one of those fucked-up little scenarios people answer because they know it’ll never happen to them. The whole: “Would you save a bus full of people or save this one single Gabriel” and I would save him every time, wouldn’t I?

You have to promise me!”

At first I was like— why all the exclamation points, man? Then I realized… oh yeah, you caught your partner right after he murdered someone, I guess they’re warranted.

My, Gabriel, I’ve never seen trash grace your floors. Something been bothering you? Ah, right… me.

Gabriel apologized profusely and claimed she only liked him and that she had a severe distrust toward strangers. I had to hand it to her because there’s definitely been more than one occasion when I’ve wished I could bat the shit out of someone just because they irritated me.

“I’m doing this for Gabriel and not for you, you sassy ass,”

“I suppose you’re hungry and thirsty. Would you like water or do you only drink the blood of virgins?” I ask the callous cat. She yowls at me in return.

“He could make me moist,” Penny says as her eyes trail after Liam who buzzes right through the room and over to the fridge.

Disgusting. This is a work place. Why do you think it’s cool to say crap like this to your coworkers about another coworker?!?

“If you want to get away with murder, you just hand Penny a pie,” Donna explains. “If it’s chocolate, I might even help you commit it,” Penny teases.

I made him aware that he would owe me until the day he dies. And even as Death comes for him and takes his hand, I will make sure he knows that in the afterlife he will still be my bitch.

“What if it was an emergency? What if I called you and I was like, ‘Gabriel, I’m beneath Harper’s Bridge. You have five minutes to save my life. You are my final hope.’” “I’d say, ‘Do you think you could send me a pin or share your location with me?’” “And I’d be like, ‘Killer, hold please while I share my location. Oh, you’d prefer not? You’d prefer to murder me now while my useless partner rushes to the computer to print out some MapQuest documents?’”

“If you’re offended by what I say out loud, you’d hate to know what I keep to myself,” I say as I give him two thumbs up of reassurance.

Same.

“What if I lightly kill him?” he asks. “You can’t lightly kill someone.” “Sure you can. Like… I’m going to lightly stab him… oh shit… oh no… he’s stopped breathing. I will lightly try to resuscitate him. And then I will lightly guide him into this unmarked grave in the middle of nowhere.”

“K-Knife,”

Wouldn’t you use “Kn-“ since the k makes it read like they were stuttering the wrong syllable?

He hurries back to the trunk before pulling the tape out of my assassination satchel.

Gabirel:

Typo* At least it didn’t happen until the acknowledgments, lol.