The No-Judgment Zone

by Ellie K. Wilde

“For the thousandth time, Mrs. Jenkins,” I call at the door as I stand. “It doesn’t matter that I live alone. I’m still allowed to talk to myself, and it’s not my fault they built this place with paper thin walls.”

I run a hand down my face. “Jenna, there are so many things wrong with what you just said, I don’t even know where to start. I like how intense you are. And that’s the wrong word anyway, because it makes it sound like a bad thing.” It’s there again. That skepticism as she looks at me. “Why does it feel like you were just testing me?”

Besides, if talking about Eddie is self-sabotage, they weren’t someone I should have been flirting with in the first place. I don’t know when it is I decided that, but it’s the fucking truth. I’m the guy with a pet turtle. Take it or leave it.

“Jenna, don’t ever not call me. Ever. Do you hear me? Day or night, no matter—no matter where we are twenty years from now. No matter what you need. Call.”

Or when I make that slurping sound I really wish you pointed out before now, because I had no idea I did that, and it’s really kind of gross—”

“What if I’m never ready?” She smiles. Actually fucking smiles. This sweet one, free of accusation or resentment. “I’m going to choose to believe you will be. I’m going to choose to wait you out. You’re worth it.”

“You make it really hard, sometimes. Convincing myself I can live without you.”

“It’s okay not to smile or laugh or act like everything is fine all the time. I’ll still like you when you’re angry. I’ll still like you when you’re miserable, or stressed, or when you just need a good cry, for no real reason. I’ll still like you even if you show me how bad today hurts.”

My Jenna deserves a lot better than that.

Hayls winds an arm around me, wrapping me in a tight hug. “Jump, big brother.”

“Jenna, I’m so tired of pretending I don’t have real feelings for you. Fighting the way I feel about you is exhausting. And I know I can’t go without you. But I’m terrified I’ll end up like Dad.”