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“I’ve come as a representative of Mrs. Jenkins, who asks that you please, for the love of God, stop singing My Heart Will Go On at the top of your voice.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but there’s a real chance you’re my dream girl.” “Because I’m just as horny as you are?” “Because you just psychoanalyzed the shit out of me and picked up my mood off the floor a second later. The horny thing is a bonus.”
I’m now the weird guy cuddling with his pet turtle. No one ever wants to fuck the weird guy who cuddles with his pet turtle—
“She’s… kind of this force, you know? I met her once and never got her out of my head.”
“Lay off the weights, Jordan. You’re about to Hulk right out of that shirt.”
“Jenna, I have a hard time picturing you getting married because I wouldn’t have you to myself anymore. And I have a hard time accepting that there’s a guy out there who’s worthy of my dream girl.”
Why does the way her hair falls across her cheek make me want to weep? Why does that single freckle under her eye make me feel like I can scale a fucking mountain, no training required? Why does that crease in the center of her lower lip make me want to sink to my knees and beg her to cocoon me in bed with her?
“That’s because you’re the badass in this relationship. I’m just the sorry guy trying to hang on for dear life.”
I think if delusion had a mascot, it would be me.”
This woman is stunning. A dream. She belongs up there, in the clouds. We’re blessed to have her among us. Don’t deserve her one bit.
