Look to Windward (Culture, #7)

by Iain M. Banks

Of course, this is always assuming that none of your ship Minds were lying.’ ‘Oh, they never lie. They dissemble, evade, prevaricate, confound, confuse, distract, obscure, subtly misrepresent and wilfully misunderstand with what often appears to be a positively gleeful relish and are generally perfectly capable of contriving to give one an utterly unambiguous impression of their future course of action while in fact intending to do exactly the opposite, but they never lie.

‘We try to learn,’ Tersono said quietly. ‘But still we make mistakes.’

But the universe does not have our own best interests at heart, and to assume for a moment that it does, ever did or ever might is to make the most calamitous and hubristic of mistakes.

Ziller was silent for a moment. ‘Strange that people are happy to adopt epithets they would fight to the death to throw off had they been imposed.’

‘Is your own existence so replete with equanimity you find no outlet for worry except on behalf of others?’ Kabe sat back, thinking. ‘I suppose it appears so.’

So far they all seem quite diffident and determined to be helpful, sir. ∼ Right. Suspicious as hell.

The few days passed without incident; they travelled at absurd speed, leaving Chelgrian space far, far behind.

He had named them Shit and Fart in his head, and took some pride in not being able to recall their real names at all.

‘I seem to recall,’ Ziller said, ‘that I said I agreed with Hub that they were all quite mad and you began your reply with the words “And yet”.’ Ziller frowned. ‘And then everything you said subsequently seemed to agree with my original point.’

Most have otherwise fairly normal lives.’ Ziller relit his pipe. ‘By Culture standards.’ ‘Well, yes, and why not? They socialise, they have work-hobbies, they play in more gentle forms, they read or watch screen, they go to entertainments. They sit around grinning in one of their glanded drug states, they study, they spend time travelling--’ ‘Ah-hah!’

‘I think that is a little like criticising somebody for owning both an umbrella and a shower,’

It showed long-ago Homomdans riding enormous tusked creatures, waving flags and spears and looking heroic in a hectic sort of way.

as though every now and again they caught themselves being overly obsessive and precise, and tried to compensate by suddenly doing something frivolous or irresponsible.

perfect AIs always Sublime.

The Culture, more or less alone, seemed to find the phenomenon almost a personal insult, if you could designate an entire civilisation as a person.

It was more or less accepted in some quarters that the Culture’s whole civilisational demeanour resulted from the fact that every single human in the society had been thoroughly, comprehensively and imaginatively spoiled as a child by virtually everyone around them.

‘What about my jhagel tea?’ 974 Praf looked at it, then him. ‘Its presence is not required.’

‘What, now?’ ‘Soon equates to good, later to worse, Uagen Zlepe, scholar. Therefore, immediacy.’ ‘Umm.’

Ziller was staring at Kabe. ‘Is that it?’ he asked. ‘Is that you using your powers of argument to convince me I should see this piece of shit?’ ‘From your tone,’ Kabe said, voice rumbling, ‘I take it you are not persuaded.’

As though each wave was tired from its long journey across the ocean, from wherever waves were born.

‘You serious?’ ‘I’m always serious, never more so than when I’m being flippant.’

‘Kabe, if I suffered only one fool gladly, I assure you it would be you.’

‘Look, if you two are going to fight, do it outside.’ ‘. . . Is that one?’ ‘Don’t think so. Should be.’ ‘Yeah.’

‘I was bullshitting you.’ ‘You seemed as sincere then as you do now.’ ‘It’s a gift.

‘I take it as an encouraging sign that you’re beginning to ask that sort of question after the experience concerned is past the dangerous stage.’ ‘So I’m becoming as thoughtlessly blasé about risk and death as your inhabitants.’ The avatar nodded enthusiastically. ‘Yes. Encouraging, isn’t it?’

Having suffered its due portion of the profoundly focused attentions of not one but several Idiran war fleets, the not-quite-warship was by then little more than a wreck; a not-quite-not-quite-warship.

‘It must be a burden, not even being able to say you were just obeying orders.’ ‘Well, that is always a lie, or a sign you are fighting for an unworthy cause, or still have a very long way to develop civilisationally.’

The avatar smiled silkily as it leant closer to him, as though imparting a confidence. ‘Never forget I am not this silver body, Mahrai. I am not an animal brain, I am not even some attempt to produce an AI through software running on a computer. I am a Culture Mind. We are close to gods, and on the far side. ‘We are quicker; we live faster and more completely than you do, with so many more senses, such a greater store of memories and at such a fine level of detail. We die more slowly, and we die more completely, too.

‘Oh, there is nothing to forgive. We drones are perfectly used to being patient while human thoughts and meaningful actions take place. We possess an entire suite of procedures specifically evolved over the millennia to cope with such moments. We are actually considerably less boreable, if I may create a neologism, than the average human.’

‘How wonderfully, bizarrely, romantically barbaric of them! Don’t you think?’ ‘Absolutely,’ Kabe said. ‘Are you sure about “romantically”? ’

Ziller leapt to his feet. ‘Fuck it!’ he said through his teeth. ‘I’m going! That piece of wriggling vomit isn’t going to keep me from my own fucking symphony. I’ll go. I’ll go and I’ll conduct and I’ll even hang around and schmooze and be schmoozed at afterwards, but if that little turd Tersono or anybody else tries to introduce that selfish litter-fucker Quilan to me, I swear I’ll bite the shit-head’s throat out.’ The avatar suppressed most of a grin. Its eyes twinkled as it looked at Kabe. ‘Well, that sounds eminently reasonable, don’t you think, Kabe?’ ‘Absolutely.’