The Mercenary and the Mortician (The Silent Hollow, #1)

by Alexandra St. Pierre

I loved fucking dudes. There was just something about bending over a pretty alpha male and making him see Jesus through his asshole. Nothing got me off faster than a good ol’ fight for dominance that ended with me literally on top.

let me tell you… I had been expecting the dude who ran this place to look like mother fucking Lurch from the Addams family. The last thing I had been expecting was this red-headed demi-god of a man who was all biceps, stubble, and clean lines. I wasn’t sure what they were injecting into the Fairview kid’s genes, but they were both hot as fuck balls.

That picture online had not done him justice. Forget muscles. I was suddenly craving a ginger snap.

There was only room for one weapon in my pants tonight, and apparently, that was my fucking cock.

“Broom fell. That means company is coming.” She sang, turning to tend to her now whistling teapot. Theo and I exchanged a look as she poured herself a mug. “He’s a little later than I thought he would be, but I suppose better late than never.”

Iris is the best. Love her

“Ryan’s dark angel, of course. Here, sweetie, you’re going to need this. Your dark angel comes with a crowd of rather…unsavory guests. You’re going to want to cleanse the space around him if you want any privacy.”

To make matters worse, the more afraid I became, the harder my dick got… yeah. In case you didn’t already think I was enough of a freak with the whole funeral home thing, coupled with the fact that I see dead people, I should probably mention that fear turns me on.

But I couldn’t. I was frozen in place. Maybe I was in shock? What was this man doing in my house? And even more importantly… why the fuck did he have, like, twenty ghouls hanging off of him like demonic Christmas ornaments?

Not only was I going to be murdered at twenty-seven in my own house, I was going to die with a goddamned fear-boner.

I currently had a raging hard Ryan Fairview on his knees before me at gunpoint, and I would be lying if I said I was looking anywhere other than his dick.

Murder or sex, murder or sex… Fuck. Me. I was clearly all fucked up.

Now I was fucking hard too. This was definitely the most fucked up hit I had ever done.

What did a mercenary and a mortician have in common? Dead. Fucking. Bodies.

“Mmmhmm. SooOOoOoo straight, mortuary boy. Maybe tell that to your boner. It seems to have missed the memo.”

His adorable little fight for dominance had me so goddamn hard. Ugh, I nearly gave his mom the show of her life when I walked back into the kitchen. Before going inside, I slipped my dick up into the waistband of my jeans so as not to accidentally poke her in the damn eye with it. And people say I don’t have any manners.

I really liked this lady. She was weird as fuck. It was the best.

It seemed I had a brat on my hands, which was literally my favorite. I loved it when they fought back. I got to punish them and teach them their place.

I’m sure you can guess where that fucking guy is right now. If you guessed six feet under, then congrats. Big fat, shiny gold star for you. No one has said a word about my sisters since.

Vox was hot as fuck. It was a literal crime that he was straight. And I don’t mean like, ‘I’m straight, but I still get a boner while wrestling with my sexy home invader’ straight. He was straight, straight. Like, dude didn’t even like seeing my weiner, and my dick was a thing of fucking beauty if I did say so myself.

“If you have a blood kink, just say so. I have more sanitary options in the wagon.” He winked at me. “Wouldn’t want you getting an infection. Nothing hot about intravenous antibiotics. I can tell you that for free.”

“I’m not the devil, Ryan Fairview. I’m your fucking god, and you will beg me for forgiveness,”

I was already strange enough as it was with the whole ‘I can see dead people thing.’ I didn’t need to add ‘sexually confused masochist’ to the list of things people said about me behind closed doors.

Omg. He was here! He came back? He brought me… flowers? My stomach was doing some weird shit it had never done before. I couldn’t find the words to speak. All I could do was stare at him.

“You know I can’t say no when you beg, ginger snap,”

“Look at us! Pimping out our siblings for personal gain. We’re so charming.”

Cal didn’t drink coffee. He preferred tea with milk. No sugar. ‘Cause he was sweet enough already. Jesus fucking Christ.

He was so cute and confident. He even used his ‘businessman voice’ on me, like that made him the boss or something. I just wanted to pinch his fucking cheeks! God, I couldn’t wait to fuck the sass right out of him. I snatched up a bottle

He had the word ‘impulsive’ tattooed on the side of his neck, which made me smile. At least he was self aware.

Ronan just laughed, then made a finger gun. “Pirate eye! Buff, write that one down,” he said. I squinted and realized he was talking to a fluffy, stuffed highland cow they had propped up on one of their tactical bags. This dude was crazier than I was…damn. “Are you talking to a stuffed animal?” I chuckled, my curiosity getting the better of me. Suddenly, Logan and the pretty boy had their guns pointed at me.

My drunk ass almost giggled when I realized he was going to attack me with a plushie.

I snarled as Ronan beat me over the head with the highland cow.

He could haunt me all his bitch-ass wanted, and I would spend every day letting Cal fuck me while Ryker’s cunty ghost watched. Just to rub it in his fucking face.

Maybe, just this one time, it was okay for me to be selfish. Just this once…

The damage was done. I was in love with this beautiful, dark, broken angel that had forced his way into my life, and there was no going back now.

Jesus fucking Christ. I was getting soft. Or maybe… Ryan was worth crying for.

“Fuck being normal, Ryan. Normal is boring. I love that you see dead people. I think it’s bad fucking ass that you live in a funeral home. On top of that, I think it’s hot that you’re a freckly red-headed man who likes gardening. Everything about you is attractive to me. You’re my lil’ spooky ginger boy, and I love the shit out of you.”