It’s difficult for me to process my thoughts. I can hardly begin to examine anything before stopping myself and asking: Why? Why do I care that I feel this way? Why does it matter, for example, that my little brother is an alcoholic? Why does it matter that he says he wishes he were dead? Why do I care so much about this? I can’t make myself feel better about anything because almost every thought process I have is thwarted by my consciousness leaving my body and watching myself. There I am. Look at me thinking about how I don’t want Eli to be an alcoholic. Look at me now, I’m crying. That’s
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