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“What’s that?” An undercurrent of irritation flickers within me at the memory of the bus ride home. “You need to deal with Preston because if he touches you like that again, I’m going to break his fingers, and that might interfere with his career plans.” “Touches me?” Her forehead crinkles in confusion. “You mean, on the bus? Preston was trying to make me feel better so I didn’t throw up all over...
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“I’m serious, Vi. Dude needs to be set straight. If you won’t, I will, and I won’t be nearly as nice as you.” It isn’t that I think he has a shot. It’s the fact that he thinks he has a shot that bothers me.
“I know I’m not in a position to ask you to change your plans or give things up, especially when I’m not entirely sure where I’ll end up myself. If there’s any way we can end up in the same place, I am fully for it. I didn’t know if that was something you would even want.” “I would,” I tell him honestly. “Under the right circumstances. But if we can’t make that happen, at least not right away, what then?” In other words, does this have an expiration date?
“Vi, I don’t care if I have to fly out just so I can see you for an hour at a time. It would be fully worth it. Whatever I have to do to make it work, I will. If you will.”
Butterflies cascade through my body. “I will.”
“Whether or not you realize it, you have a good heart.” Violet climbs on top of me and straddles my thighs, gently stroking my jaw. Her touch is so soothing, so loving, that some of the turmoil in me dissipates. “An amazing heart, in fact.”
“I love you. Even if you won’t say it back.”
Another pang. It’s not that I won’t—it’s that I can’t. I want to. I don’t deserve her. Never have. But I want to believe that I can grow into someone who does.
“You’re all I think about, Vi. I’m fucking crazy about you.” I hope I demonstrate it enough to compensate for my emotional shortcomings. Maybe someday, I’ll overcome all that other shit weighing me do...
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I think I know what she’s asking, and it feels scarier than anything I’ve ...
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Stay with me.
I need you.
“I’m trying to be patient with you, Nash, but you make it so damn difficult sometimes.”
Maybe part of the problem is that it’s difficult to love someone who doesn’t seem to love themselves. I’m trying to love him enough for the both of us, but I’m not sure it’s working.
IF FUCKING things up were an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medalist. Things have been strained with Violet all week. While we’ve still been texting and talking, it isn’t the same. The distance between us is slowly killing me, like there’s a piece of myself missing. I’ve lived without her before, and I don’t want to do it again.
“You don’t have to earn being loved, Nash. I know hockey is a huge part of your identity, but it isn’t all of you. You could hang up your skates tomorrow and I’d still be just as crazy about you.”
“I’m so fucking lucky to have you. I think about that every day.”
reverence and desire, awe and adoration. “I love you, Vi. I never stopped.”
“I love you.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me. I promise I’ll never give up on us.”
But when my shift ends and I climb back onto the bench, I know one thing for certain. The most important part of my life isn’t hockey or my career. She’s sitting in section 106, row 5, and she’s my whole fucking world.
