Honor (Sky Ridge Hotshots, #3)

by Danielle Baker

King will be fine, though, even if he has some healing to do yet. Pulling out of the parking lot, I snort a laugh. If Violette Taylor has anything to say about it, that man will be just fine. She’s too stubborn to let him be anything less than okay, and King is too head over heels for the woman to disappoint her. Even if neither of them realizes it yet. They’re both whipped.

“I’m so damn proud of you, Teddy,” I murmur gently. Smiling down at her, my fucking heart is thumping wildly in my chest for this incredible, brave woman. “You did so good, sweetheart. So damn good.”

I can hear her crying through the wall.

I lean back and let the back of my head thump against the wall that separates my bathroom from what I know is her bathroom. The sound of the shower running is muted, an almost imperceptible thrum through the thin walls. The deep, wracking sobs are more pronounced, and make my chest ache.

She doesn’t let herself cry for long, though. She never does. Mere minutes later the worst of it subside...

Her arms are banded around herself again, that damn self-conscious instinct to hide as much of herself as possible making its presence known. I fucking hate it. I want to see all of her. And I hate that, too.

“Don’t ever let me hear you talk about yourself like that, do you understand? You’re perfect just like this.”

“Hey.” His eyes laser focus on mine, stopping my stammering words. “Let us help you, Mama.” I hear variations of Mom and Mommy all day long, every day. But this? Mama. The way he says it in that husky, intimate rasp, has completely short circuited my brain. All I can do is stare up at him dumbly before nodding.

spot Teddy’s white Chrysler Pacifica minivan ahead. Shit, she’d walked all this way to the coffee shop carrying Bea, a diaper bag, and probably corralling Penny, too? No wonder her skin is still sporting those angry red lines in the crook of her elbow. The woman is a goddamn superhero. “Was there not any closer parking?” I ask, nodding toward her vehicle. She shrugs. “No, but it’s okay. I’ve gotten pretty good at all this on my own.”

I hate that. I hate that she has to do this all on her own.

“You said forget all this—” I rasp, dropping my gaze from hers to travel over her entire body and back up again. “Not fucking likely, Teddy. I’ve been dying to see more of you. And I’m not disappointed in what I’ve seen so far, beautiful.”

Whispering low, I breathe, “I really fucking like hearing you say my name when you come, Mama.”

I’m forty-two, almost forty-three, and not once in my adult life have I ever been so obsessed over a woman as I am with her.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she teases, but I know she’ll listen. She may be the best Gramma ever and they both spoil my kids absolutely rotten, but they’ve always been respectful of my ‘rules’.

He waves at me as a whole, generalizing around my middle, where my arms are crossed. “That. Folding in on yourself. Like you’re trying to hide or shrink or something.”

“I know. It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. I just… I want you to know that I’m here. And I see you, sweetheart. Every fucking part of you, beautiful.”

Staring down at my hand where it’s resting on my thigh, I spread my fingers wide. I meant what I’d said. “I know I need to take it off,” I whisper. “But it feels so final, Vi. Like taking it off makes it more real. That he’s not coming home and then I have to do the really scary part of moving on.” “Whether you take it off or leave it on doesn’t change that, though,” she says quietly, gently. I nod again. “That’s the worst part about grieving someone that died. Learning to accept that hard truth. It doesn’t matter how much we want it to be different, it’s not.”

“There’s this lady, she’s kinda scary. She made me promise I had to, so I try to do my best,” he teases lightly, quietly. Then, his voice dips lower, softer. “Still with me?” She smiles up at him. “Always.”

What is it with this man and wanting me on top of him? “I’m going to crush you⁠—” “Teddy, if you say one more word, I’ll turn this ass pink,” he rasps, spreading his hand wide on one of my ass cheeks,

“Let me help you, Mama,” he murmurs quietly, reaching for my squalling infant. My eyes bounce between his before I nod and let him take her from me. There’s something about this man that causes the women in my family to just swoon over him, and my four-month-old isn’t immune to his charms either apparently, as she stops fussing almost immediately. She nuzzles into his chest, his large hands looking even more impressive spanned across my infant's back and cupping her diapered bottom. She yawns broadly and I can’t help the half-hearted scowl that I send her way, the little traitor.

Then, surprising me even further, he dips his head and presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I forget how to breathe normally. “I’ve got her, Mama,” he whispers against my skin, making me shiver, before he leans away and addresses Scottie and Violette. “We’ll be outside. Enjoy your wine, ladies.”

“Dear lord, did your ovaries just explode? Because that was like top tier level dad-hotness,” Vi laughs, fanning herself. I blush scarlet and cover my cheeks with my palms. “Good for Xander.”

“Gahh, why is that so hot?” Vi whispers on a moan. “He looks good with a baby, dammit.” He must notice us staring out the window, because his gaze lifts from Bea’s face to the window. When he sees Violette, he grins, holding Bea a little closer. Pointing down to the baby asleep in his arm, he then points to himself, and then at Violette. Then the guy winks. “Yup, that man is so getting me pregnant,” Violette mutters almost wistfully. I laugh out loud.

“How did we go from talking about orgasms to baby poop?” Scottie asks, leaning back. “Isn’t this how all friends’ conversations go?” Vi teases, and I grin.

Giving Teddy and the girls a little kid-free time is the least I can do. We’re three

grown men, we can handle a couple kids, right?

I’ve got the grill turned on to heat but with Bea still asleep in my arms I’m learning it’s quite difficult to do anything one handed. I’m gaining a new respect for how Teddy manages to do absolutely everything and making it seem effortless in the process.

“I got her, Mama.” “Xander,” she whispers, raising her eyes to mine, and I’m drawn inescapably into her silver-gray gaze. “You have to stop saying it like that.” I grin, ducking my head closer to hers. “Like what? Mama?” I rasp the word the way I know makes her knees weak. Her pupils blow wide, her mouth parting. Goddamn I want to kiss her.

The guys shoved us girls out of Xander’s duplex as soon as dinner was over, refusing to let us do the dishes—and who am I to argue with that?—so

“It’s nice to not have to do it all alone,” I admit quietly, my eyes still closed, head tipped back. “Does that make me a terrible person to say that out loud?”

“I understand your schedule is crazy, but I appreciate you offering, even if it doesn’t happen⁠—” “Why wouldn’t it happen?” he asks, those dark brows pulling low over his eyes. I stand a little straighter, taken off guard by the sharpness in his tone.

“I’m crazy about you,” he continues, his eyes laser focused on mine. “That means every part of you, Mama, and your kids are a part of you. It might have to happen before the fire season starts, but we’ll go to a game. I keep my word.”

I’m naked on the bed, just like he asked, and I’m grateful for the darkness. I know my body is soft and round in all the places I wish it wasn’t, and I’m glad that at least for this first time—assuming there will be more of this to come—some of my imperfections are somewhat shadowed.

“It’s just… been a long time, Xander. And obviously not since Bea was born… Sometimes it can be a little painful, at-at first…” His brow smooths out and then he’s ducking his head and kissing me fiercely. I moan, fisting his hair in my hands, and then his mouth is moving down my neck. He presses kisses to my throat, and I can feel his lips moving as he speaks. “Then I guess I just need to do my job and make sure it’s not.”

“It’s okay, it’s normal,” I assure him, but he shakes his head. “I would never forgive myself if I caused you any pain, Teddy.

he leans in close and lets his hand rest on the top curve of my ass, his fingers flexing. And then he’s glaring down at me. I blink up at him, confused by the sudden change. “Whatever torture device you have on under these clothes that you think you need to keep all of this contained—” he bends low to whisper in my ear, making me shiver, “—take it off and throw it away.” I blush furiously, laughing up at him. “Xander, I’m not throwing away my spanx, they smooth everything out⁠—”

“You don’t need smoothing out,” he growls low, lips moving directly against mine. “And I want to be able to feel my girl’s body when I touch her.”

“It’s a full body shaper.” I glare down at the tight contraption, sliding my fingers beneath one of the straps that’s digging into her shoulder. “This looks painful, Teddy.”

She blushes, smoothing her hands over her body in the tight spandex, almost as if trying to cover herself from me. This woman, I swear. I’m going to show her how fucking beautiful she is to me.

Her lips part, and I rub my thumb across the full, kiss swollen bottom one. “I can’t do that.” “Yes, you can, beautiful.” Her throat works as she swallows, her eyes wide and wary. “But I’m all⁠—” “Oh, sweetheart, I know. And it drives me fucking wild.”

Her hands cover mine and I see the heavy stain of a blush that covers her chest and cheeks. “Lower your hands,” I command darkly. She stares at me, her lips parted, her breaths sawing in and out of them. “Teddy. Drop your hands so I can see.” She does as she’s told and I grin darkly at her. “Good girl. You will not cover one inch of your body from me, do you understand?” She hesitates and I thrust up again, earning another cock twitching gasp from her. “You are the most exquisite woman I’ve ever seen, sweetheart. Every part of you. Even the parts you don’t think are beautiful.”

Taking her hand in mine, I drag it to my mouth and press a kiss to the center of her palm. “I love you, Teddy. I think I have for a while, sweetheart.” “Xander…” she breathes reverently, her eyes shimmering as she stares up at me. I know she’s not ready to say it back, and that’s okay. As long as she doesn’t push me away. I kiss her palm again, then whisper against her skin, “It’s okay. I just need you to know. I told you I was done fighting this, and I meant it. You and these kids mean the world to me. I don’t want just casual with you. I want everything, beautiful.”

Stepping into the kitchen, he sets the two paper grocery sacks on the counter and reaches into one, and then pulls out a bottle of wine. He digs into his pocket, producing a wine key, and proceeds to open the bottle. “I’m on food, dishes, and kid

duty. Pour a glass of wine and go take a bath while I get dinner ready, okay?”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Come on, take that wine and go take a bath. Has Bea eaten?” I blush and nod. “Yes, but she’ll be hungry again before bed.” “So just one small glass,” he whispers and winks. “Gotta keep my little one fed, too.” “Xander…” “You keep saying my name like it’s going to change the outcome of this evening,” he laughs, dropping a kiss to my lips. Penny snickers behind her hand. He twists his head to look at her. “What’s so funny?” “You kissed Mommy,” she giggles behind her hand. “I did,” he says, nodding. Looking at her and then over to Dalton, he asks gently, “Is that okay with you guys?” Dalton shrugs his shoulders from where he’s still leaning on the counter, watching us. “Yeah, I think so. You make Mom smile, so it makes me happy.” My heart squeezes in my chest, and my nose stings with unshed tears. Xander’s arm tightens around my waist and he turns his head to look at me. “She makes me happy, too, champ.”

“I really miss Dad,” he whispers, his little voice breaking, and then his shoulders are shaking. I hold him tightly, tears leaking out of my own eyes at the heartbreak causing my son pain. “I don’t want Xander to die, too.” “Oh, buddy,” I murmur, clutching him close. “You’re not going to lose him, okay?” “I made a wish on my birthday, but now I’m scared for it to come true.” “What wish, sweetheart?” I ask gently, rubbing his back. He takes a deep breath in. “Don’t be mad…I figured since you two like each other a lot and we like him, too, that it wouldn’t be too bad. But I wished for Xander to be my new dad, since I don’t have one anymore, and I think he likes me and Penny. And baby Bea never got to have a dad… But I’m scared that if he does get to be my new dad, that he’ll die like Dad did. And then I’ll have lost two dads.” I’m stunned, lost for words as what little bit of my heart that had been left unshattered crumbles into dust at my feet. And I realize that I’m not the only one that’s in love with Xander. My kids love him, too.

“Rowan got the call for a fire once right as I was starting my period,” Violette mumbles, grimacing slightly. “I might have thrown a fork at him when he said he had to go and I cried because I didn’t want him to leave.” I snort out a startled laugh, looking over at her incredulously. Her eyes go wide and she holds her hands out. “What?!” she exclaims, laughing, too. “I wasn’t aiming at him. It was just in his general direction!” “Oh my god,” I laugh, shaking my head. “That’s hilarious. And a little terrifying.”

If you have the chance to have that kind of love in your life, hold onto it. Hold onto it with both hands, fiercely, and don’t let your pride or some misplaced sense of duty to this job keep you from it. You choose her, every time, son. Don’t make the same mistakes as your old man. I found the love of my life and I squandered it to chase fire. And I’ve lived the last thirty years knowing my heart was beating halfway across the country with a woman that I didn’t cherish the way I promised to.

So if she ever comes to you and asks you to choose her, and she will, if she loves you like I’m sure she will, you do it. Without question. Without hesitation. Because I promise you, you don’t want to get to be my age and realize you lost the best thing in your life. Don’t let yourself get so comfortable in this life that you miss out on something great, son.

Pushing to my feet, I stride over to Cal and clap him on the back. I know what I need to do, and for the first time, I have not one single fucking doubt in my mind that I’m doing the right thing. “We need to talk,” I say gruffly, and he nods. Because I’m going to choose that woman every damn time.