Never Let Me Go (Inevitably You, #2)

by Lyla Dane

“You promise you’ll always be my best friend?” “Yeah, I promise. Of course I promise.” “You sure?” “How many times do I gotta say it? I promise I’ll always be your best friend. Nothing will ever change that. I can’t think of a single thing that would ever make me stop loving you. You’re the sky and I’m the stars, Becky. We’re stuck together. Okay?” “Okay.”

I decided to just keep the memory of him—who he was before that day—preserved in a safe pocket of my mind where it would never be tarnished. I could visit that pristine memory from time to time, could brush my fingers over its perfection and know that, at least for a little while, I’d had him.

You’re the sky and I’m the stars.

Beck was as perfect as perfect could get. As good as they came. A blond-haired, blue-eyed angel on Earth. And I was the fucking devil.

“Just put me out with the trash,” I said. I was tired now. Everywhere hurt, and I wanted it all to just go away. Beck was seeing me at my lowest low, and I couldn’t handle it. “What?” he said incredulously. “Just put me out with the garbage, Beck. Or better yet, lay me down in the middle of the street. Hopefully a car will just roll over me. Problem solved.” It was quiet for about twenty seconds, and then he said, “Gavin. Are you being serious right now? You’re joking, right? Because that’s not fucking funny.” There was fear in his voice now. I put that there. “No. I’m not joking. I’m not trying to be funny. Just throw me in the reservoir.” No, wasn’t that drinking water? “Or find a quarry and toss me in it. Anything, I don’t give a shit at this point. Just make it stop. I don’t want to be here anymore.” My last words ended on a broken whisper, and I put my arm over my face. “You…you’re not serious. You’re not.” There was a strain in his voice I’d never heard before, a thinness that sounded like it would shatter at any moment. I didn’t say anything to that. “Gavin…”

“I know you’ve been through a lot of shit, I know you haven’t had an easy life, and I know your dad did something to you to make you like this. But every time you open your mouth and say shit like that, those are choices you are making. You are choosing to be an asshole. Your dad is nowhere in sight, and you still say ignorant shit that you never would have said before. You could choose to be decent, and yet, you don’t. I know you’re hurting in your very soul, Gavin, but don’t you ever—ever—say that again in this house.” He stared hard at me for a long moment, then leaned in until his mouth was pressed against my ear and said in a bitter voice, “And I think we both know why you keep saying shit like that.”

He was the only person who’d ever looked at me like that. Like I had more to offer than just disappointment.

“Can you get me more chicken,”

“If you say please.”

“Say please, princess,” he said. Anya giggled.

“Please,”

“I don’t understand,” he croaked, startling me. “Why, after everything I’ve done to you…why are you still so fucking nice to me?”

“Because part of me still loves you, Gavin. And that part will always love you, no matter what you do. I know you’re in pain. And you need to know that I will never, ever try to make you feel ashamed of who you are. You used to trust me to help you, when you needed it. You can trust me again. I’m the same person I’ve always been. I’m not the one who changed.”

“I swear to fucking god, Beck, if you say you’re sorry one more fucking time, I’ll—I’ll—” Fuck, I had nothing. I wouldn’t do anything to him. With a growl, I said, “Just stop apologizing all the time! I’m sorry! I’m fucking sorry! I’m sorry for every single thing I’ve ever said or done to you! I’m sorry I’m such a coward, I’m sorry I didn’t even have the courage to treat you how you deserved, and I’m sorry I’m so fucked up that all I do is fight you without even knowing why! I’m sorry I just keep hurting you over and over again, and I’m sorry I’m such a pathetic piece of shit that I have to hide behind you! I’m sorry you even met me, because all I’ve ever done is cause you pain, and I don’t know how to stop! I’m sorry for everything! So don’t you apologize to me ever again, Beck, because you haven’t done a goddamn thing wrong!”

“You can’t just say that shit and leave,” he said hoarsely, not moving out of my space, not letting go of the door. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, and I was pretty sure he could feel it. “You can’t do that. Ten years I’ve waited to hear something—anything—from you that let me know you were still in there. Ten fucking years, Gavin.” His breath hitched, and I wanted to crush him into my arms and shove him away all at once. “You have no idea how much I wanted you to tell me it was all an act, that there was a reason for all of the bullshit. I waited and waited for you to come back to me, for you to give me any kind of sign that you hadn’t just disappeared.” His eyes were so bright and intense as they bored into mine that I couldn’t breathe. “I’m gonna apologize one last time, okay? And you need to hear this.” He let go of the door and brushed the hair back from my forehead, his palm firm against my skull, and kept it there. I felt like I was being burned alive as I stared into his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner that your dad was hurting you. That he kept hurting you after that day. I’m so fucking sorry. I should have known, I should have tried harder to get you to talk to me, but I didn’t, and the guilt of that…I will feel that guilt for the rest of my fucking life.” He leaned in, and for a long, long second, I thought he was going to kiss me, that this was it, this was when⁠— He pressed his forehead against mine and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. “I ...

“You can shave my beard,”

“I’ve never actually tried to kill myself, you know,” I said. “I wouldn’t do that. I just…didn’t want to be here anymore.” I felt like I needed to clear that up. I’d noticed he’d taken all the knives out of the kitchen. Anything with a point was missing.

“I didn’t know that, actually,” he said, and there was a sadness in his voice that sliced through me. “Didn’t?” he asked, catching my use of the past tense.

“Beck. Beck. I’m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come.”

“Come on me. It’s okay, baby, just let yourself go,”

“It’s okay,” I said softly. “You’re okay, Gavin. Nothing bad is gonna happen. I’m right here, okay?”

I’d never tell him, but when he called me that, it made my chest burn with pleasure. It made me feel precious when I’d spent a lifetime feeling worthless.

“What are you doing,” I breathed. “Trying to show you how beautiful you are when you shed those outer layers,” he said softly.

“Can you see how good you look, princess?”

“You look so good when you try. Look.”

wanted to do everything he told me to. I opened my eyes, found Beck’s, then let my gaze shift to my reflection.

“Why would I let you go when you just came back to me? You begged me to never leave you again, do you remember that? And I promised you. I promised you I wouldn’t.”

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” he said. “I see a boy who used to hold me at night so that I wouldn’t be afraid of the monsters, so that I wouldn’t have to face them alone. I see someone who was abused by a small man with bad ideals, and is suffering greatly from that abuse. I see a man who wants to be himself, but doesn’t know who that is and is terrified of what he’ll find when he figures it out. You don’t need to be afraid, Gavin. But even if you are, I’ll be right here by your side. You don’t have to face this alone. I’m right here, and I won’t ever let anything or anyone hurt you again. Not your dad. Not you.” He lifted his eyes to mine in the mirror, and the almost ruthless resolution in them sent a thrilling flare of heat down my spine. “Especially not me.”

“Fuck, princess, I love the way you tell me what you want,”

“You gotta let go, princess. I’m about to get on my knees for you.”

“Jesus Christ, you motherfucker,”

“Do you know how many times I’ve imagined you like this?” I panted, staring into his hooded eyes. “A fucked-out mess with my cum all over you? Looking like that, just for me?”

“This is mine,” I rasped. “I’m the only one who gets to make you come. You got that?”

“Fuck, the way you let go is so fucking beautiful, baby,”

“You’re the sky and I’m the stars,” I said quietly. “Yeah. And no matter how far you fall, I’ll still be there to catch you.”

“Yeah. I was so focused on you that I didn’t really think about it when we were together. You made everything seem bearable. You were the first and only person that ever made me feel like I actually existed. I mattered to one person, and that was enough.”

“You want me to be rough with you?” he said, his voice husky now. “Is that it? You need me to handle you, princess?”

“I’d like to see you try,” I whispered,

I felt his lips move as he murmured, “What do you need, princess? You need me to punish you for being so rude?” “Oh, fuck, Beck,” I groaned, so fucking hard it was painful. He slid his cock along the crease of my ass, and I could feel the heat of it through our clothes. I wanted him to bury it inside me, to fill me with his cum, to fuck me and own me. “How should I punish you?” he said, sifting his fingers into my hair. He jerked my head back until I could see him, and the rapt attention he gave every inch of my face left me panting. “With my tongue?” My eyes rolled back when he tightened his grip in my hair, and I was whining incessantly now. My balls were throbbing right along with my cock, and I thought I might come just from hearing his voice. “With my fingers?” “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I panted, trying to grind my hips into the bed. I needed relief, the building pressure and the heat almost unbearable. He bit the shell of my ear, making me cry out, and growled, “With my cock?” “Beck,” I gasped, every nerve-ending on fire. “Say please, princess.” “Please, please, please, please, please,” I whined. “Fuck, the way you beg,” he said roughly, and I could hear in his voice how much his own control was slipping. Fast. He shifted his weight, there was the sound of a drawer opening, and then he was moving away from me.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured soothingly, still stroking his palm over my ass. “I’ll get there. Move your knees up for me, baby.” He tapped the back of one knee, and even though I felt more exposed than I ever had in my entire life, the desire coursing through my body was helping to mute any anxiety that tried to rise. I drew my knees up, feeling cool air brush against my hole.

“Are you gonna fuck me?” I mumbled into the blanket. I desperately needed his answer to be yes. “What?” he said, his fingers pausing. I turned my face to the side. “Fuck me, Beck. Please. Please fuck me. I want to feel you inside me.” His fingers disappeared, and I wanted to bang my head into something hard. What the fuck now? “Gavin, I think you should start with something a little…smaller. You’ve never had anything in your ass before.” “Yes I have,” I said right away. I could feel my face heating at the admission, but I needed him to fuck me so damn bad, to fill me with himself, to do for me what no other person on this earth could do, and I didn’t care what secrets I had to divulge to get him to do that. “What?” he said, incredulous. And then there was anger in his next words. A delicious, jealous, possessive anger that curled inside me, coiling around my bones and squeezing. “When have you had something in your ass, Gavin?” His voice was so, so soft, and the dangerous edge to it had me grinding my cock into the mattress. “Lots of times,” I hedged, wanting more of his anger. “Like when?” he growled, wrapping his lube-coated

“Like when I fucked myself on my own fingers. Or used the dildos I bought. Like then.” Beck’s fingers loosened, and then he trailed them down until they were kneading the flesh of my ass, pulling my cheek aside like he was imagining me doing what I’d just said. “You did that?” “Yes,” I groaned. “So can you please fuck me? Please. I need you, Beck.” “What did you think about when you fucked yourself?” His voice was right next to my ear again, the husky warmth of it sending anticipatory shivers down my spine. “You,” I rasped. “It was always you.” Always.

“I wish you’d let me see all of you,” I said. His face paled and the hand on his cock stopped moving. I leaned over him and cupped his face in my hands. “But I understand why you can’t. I need you to know it’s okay, Gavin.” I pressed a soft, gentle kiss to his parted lips, inhaling his whimper as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I kissed his cheek, moved to his ear, and whispered, “Maybe one day, yeah?”

“I’m gonna fuck you now, princess.” “Stop talking and just do it already,” he grumbled, unwrapping his arms and sliding his fingers down my sides. He kept going until he reached my ass, and when he squeezed, I pumped my cock against his, making him moan. I leaned in and ran my tongue up his throat, then bit down on his pulse point and sucked hard. I wanted to leave my mark on him. I wanted to leave marks all over him. He jolted and gasped, thrusting himself against me as he panted.

“I want to fill you with my cum and watch it drip out of you,” I rasped, staring down at him as he looked between our bodies, watching our cocks rub together. “Yeah,” he moaned. “Fucking do that. I want your cum so fucking bad, Becky.” His eyes cut back to mine, pupils so dilated there was hardly any color left.

have never wanted anyone the way I want you,” I said softly. “You have always been it for me, Gavin.” He let out a small sound, close to a whimper, close to a gasp, and I brushed my lips against his. “I’m gonna make this good for you, baby. So fucking good for you.” I pressed my fingers to his hole, sliding them up and down, circling the puckered rim. He sucked in a sharp breath when I slipped one inside, his eyes riveted to mine. “You like that?” I murmured, watching his flush deepen. “Did you think about this, princess? Did you think about me touching you like this? My fingers deep inside of you?” I pumped deeper, then drew out so I could slide two fingers inside.

“Did you think about my cock spreading you open?” I said lowly. He was so damn hot inside, and the way he kept clenching around my fingers made me feel like I was about to combust. “Did you fuck yourself and wish it was me, princess?”

“So fucking sensitive,” I murmured, watching him come apart on my fingers. “Did you think about me filling up this tight, needy hole with my cum?”

“Fuck me, Becky. Right now. Fuck me,” he begged in a hoarse voice. I groaned and removed my fingers from him, pressing a hard kiss to his mouth before sitting back on my heels. “Say please, princess,” I rasped. “Please,” he whispered, curling his hands over my knees. “I’ve never needed anything more in my entire life, Beck. I’ve never needed you more.”

“Breathe, baby. Relax and breathe for me.”