Hot for Hostage

by Maggie Evans

My other idea was to find a way to signal for Batman, but they’d probably just make fun of me.

The day had taken a strange turn. Either I was having one hell of a hangover, or Strawberry Shortcake herself was standing in front of me and pointing a gun at my chest.

“Yeah. Good idea. We definitely wouldn’t want that. So… get your butt over on that stool! Right now!”

“I’m sorry about the extreme measures,” she said, actually sounding pretty torn up about it, “but I have to take you hostage for a little while.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t hostages usually taken when the abductor needs someone other than the hostage to complete a task? Or when there’s a ransom?” I asked slowly. “The hostage is held as a security measure, but they don’t do the task themselves.” Her frown deepened. “This really isn’t the time for semantics, Mr. Reed. I’m the one with the gun, so if I say you’re my hostage, then you’re my hostage. Got it?” Oh, I got it. “Of course. My apologies. I’m your hostage,” I said, no longer hiding my grin. And to think I’d thought today would be boring.

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking, Tip #4: Don’t let your hostage’s good looks distract you from your mission.

I frowned at his name-calling. “I’m not a bunny.” The corner of his lips only twitched in answer. Great. Now my hostage was laughing at me.

“I think I messed up,” I admitted, frowning at the checkered tile floor. “How so?” “I really needed you to listen to me, Mr. Reed,” I said, even though that part was pretty obvious. “So, when I saw the gun under your friend’s jacket, I acted without thinking. But now I’m in over my head. I’m basically a criminal.”

“I want you to make those boys stop vandalizing our shelter! And to get Bear back. That was the last straw. Nobody touches our dogs. Well, not unless an adoption is approved. Or if you want to visit and play with the dogs. Or if you volunteer or work there. But outside those circumstances, nobody touches our dogs.”

She veered away from us and power-walked over to a yellow Volkswagen Beetle parked at the curb without seeming to care if I—her hostage—was following her or not.

“Anytime, sweetheart.” She rolled her eyes before looking out the window. “I’m not your sweetheart.” I grinned and started up the car. “My mistake.”

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking, Tip #5: Wear something with large pockets. Most women’s clothing isn’t made with hostage-taking in mind.

He threw me off balance. Was it normal to feel butterflies around one’s hostage? There should be an instruction manual for this.

It almost felt like Davian was taking me hostage now, but that was just silly. I was the one with the gun.

“We’re not going to them yet.” “What do you mean we’re not…” She sucked in a breath and watched me with wide eyes. “You’re not driving to an abandoned riverbank to kill me and dispose of my body, are you?”

Who knew Davian Reed would be attracted to short bakers in pink overalls, pointing a gun at him?

“I’m sorry, Sadie. As much as I enjoyed playing this game with you, we don’t have time for it anymore,” I said. “Stay here, and I’ll be back soon with Bear. Vince will stay with you.” And my friend didn’t look too happy about that. “Are you kidding me?” Sadie threw her hands up. “You’re my hostage. You can’t just take over⁠—”

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking Being Taken Hostage, Tip #6: Beware your hostage turning the tables and taking you hostage. It happens more often than you’d think.

My impromptu hostage plan had just blown up in my face, but I could only blame myself for the turn this had taken. I was stupid. So stupid. Even though I’d basically forced Davian to help me—at gunpoint, no less—I’d begun to think of us as a team. Partners. It was the two of us against those annoying little teenage thugs.

“Okay, well… Back off a bit, man. Take twenty steps back, and we’ll come out.” … Twenty steps? Did they think we were about to duel?

This was a favor for Sadie, and she probably wouldn’t want me capping a kid while I was here. Think of Sadie. Don’t shoot the kid. Remember Sadie.

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking Being Taken Hostage, Tip #7: When your ex-hostage inevitably escapes, track them down to let them know you’re still in charge.

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking Being Taken Hostage Forming a Partnership with Your Hostage, Tip #8: What the world doesn’t prepare you for is the moment when your demands have been met, and you have to let your hostage go. It may be a more emotional moment than you anticipated.

“How does a trip to Bruno’s sound? We have time to celebrate Bear’s safe return before he closes.” “Really?” My lips parted. He wasn’t taking off running? “But you’re not my hostage anymore. You’re… You’re free.”

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking Being Taken Hostage Forming a Partnership with Your Hostage, Tip #9: Ice cream is a great way to celebrate a successful hostage-taking. If you’re so inclined, your ex-hostage can join you.

“I’m thinking I should take you hostage for dinner tomorrow night.”

“I think I can pencil getting abducted for dinner into my schedule.”

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking Being Taken Hostage Forming a Partnership with Your Hostage, Tip #10: There may come a time when your hostage kisses you. Enjoy it. And if your hostage offers you a ride home, it’s only polite to accept. Carpooling is good for the environment.

One minute you’re stopping a group of teenage thugs from vandalizing a dog shelter, and the next you’re imagining doing dirty things with the bad-boy mafia prince you held at gunpoint.

Or maybe I’d accidentally slipped and hit my head on the oven door while baking again, and this was all a concussion-inspired dream.

Did I just grind on my hostage’s lap?

“If I die, tell Gladys my secret dog treat recipes are hidden under my mattress.”

Sadie’s Guide to Hostage-Taking Being Taken Hostage Forming a Partnership with Your Hostage, Tip #12: Is it healthy to miss your hostage? Sorry, not a tip. Just curious.

Davian Reed’s Guide to Tricking Your Hostage-Taker into Spending the Rest of Her Life with You, Tip #1: Include her furry bodyguard in the proposal.

Neither of my two conditions for adopting Bear lasted long. In the eight months since Sadie moved in, Bear slept in our bed more often than not. And we’d adopted six more dogs. Six.