Eggshells

by Parm K.C.

These words are for her – the one who has been with someone that made her feel cracked and small.

all the reasons he once wanted me became reasons for him to hate me.

why does the world get the best of him, while I get the worst?

I am so starved for anything that resembles intimacy that I eat up whatever is put in front of me.

I’d rather him want me for my body than not want me at all.

none of my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings, have any value to him.

I colored his red flags green, but I’m almost out of paint. his true colors are starting to show.

I don’t know how he can fall asleep and sleep so peacefully when I am sobbing next to him.

maybe he doesn’t care enough while I care entirely too much.

I walk on eggshells around him, yet somehow everything is still breaking.

I got so tired of fighting with him, that I stopped speaking up when he hurt me.

he declares his love for me, but he makes me feel small.

he lied when he said he loved me, and he lied when he said he would treat me with compassion.

“if he wanted to he would” takes on a whole new meaning when you realize that he hurts you because he wants to.

THIS HOLY

he says he doesn’t want me to go, so why do I feel like he wouldn’t even notice if I disappeared?

I was so focused on making him happy, I didn’t even notice I was miserable.

I had to coax the bare minimum out of him, and yet I thought it was love.

I pretended it wasn’t obvious that he changed the subject each time I brought up forever.

they say the healthy love after the toxic one is the hardest. I want to try my hand at love once more, but it’s scary.

I’ll forever be asking myself, is it love, or is it another bomb?

please burn down the bridge that leads back to the man who hurt you.

you do not have to get under someone to get over someone else.

it felt like the end, but it wasn’t. all I had to do was open that door.