A Wish for Us

by Tillie Cole

I reached into my pocket and pulled out his dog tags. I couldn’t bring myself to look at his name. Instead I put them on top of the piano and let them just be with me. Let him be with me.

Her voice was violet blue. I closed my eyes. It was my favorite color to hear.

Her laughter was pale pink.

“Synesthesia,” she whispered, and I heard the awe in her voice. “You’re a synesthete.”

The smell of her peach and vanilla perfume drifted up my nose, and I could feel the sweet taste on my tongue. Everything was more around her. My senses were so overwhelmed that I almost couldn’t breathe. I saw color and fireworks.

“You okay?” I asked.

She pushed some fallen hair from her face. “Just unfit.”

She laughed, but it sounded off to my ears. ...

Lines of crimson red floated in front of my eyes as an oboe played in one of the rooms. Bonnie looked up at me, lips parted, about to say something. “Crimson-red lines.”

Bonnie stopped dead. “How did you know I was going to ask that?”

I stared down at her face. She had freckles on her nose and cheeks. I hadn...

“Cromwell?” Bonnie’s voice was hoarse.

My pulse had kicked up a notch, and I could feel my heartbeat thumping in my chest. The beats brought me strobing flashes of sunset orange.

“You have freckles.”

“This is why he brought you here. He knew it still lived inside you. Lewis. It’s what he saw in you.”

“Why, Cromwell? Why do you fight it?”

“You can play anything, can’t you? Without lessons or practice. You can just see the music, and you have the skill to play whatever you want.”

“The colors show you the way.”

I breathed. My heart beat. My blood pumped through my veins. And I composed music. It was part of me, not something I did. Part of my makeup. And after this, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to go back.

“Cromwell?” I turned. “What’s your favorite? Your favorite color to see?”

I didn’t even think before I spoke the words. “Violet blue.”

The British boy with a permanent chip on his shoulder was looking at me.

I didn’t let myself think this time; I just followed my heart and pressed my lips to his. It was the first time I’d ever initiated a kiss in my life. I would never have believed it would be with Cromwell Dean. But now that we were here, like this, suspended in this most perfect of moments, I knew it would never have been anyone but him.

“What did it look like to you?” I asked. “My song. The colors.”

“It illuminated the room.”

“Cromwell?” He looked up. I could feel my cheeks burning before I even spoke. “What color is my voice?”

Cromwell stared at me, eyes full of some kind of light I couldn’t decipher. That small, beautiful smile pulled on his lips again, and he said, “Violet blue.”

Violet blue. His favorite color to see…and also the sound of my voice. If my failing heart hadn’t let him in before, it did just then.

Even though she’d pushed me away, I couldn’t let her go.

“Farraday.” I inched closer and pressed my forehead to hers. “If you don’t want me to take your mouth right now, I’d stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” she whispered, cheeks flushed.

“Like you want to feel my tongue ring in you...

“Sit to the side of the stage. I asked them to put a chair there for you.” Her eyes melted at that. I had no idea why.

When her attention was fully on me, I started mouthing the colors. Peach. Turquoise. Black. Gray. Amber. Scarlet. Tune after tune, I told her what I saw.

I pushed her back out of sight of the crowd and let her smash her mouth to mine to a background of gold and magnolia and chocolate browns.

Now that she’d given me her lips, I never wanted to give them back.

“What do you want?” I asked,

“Make love to me,” she said, and my eyes closed. “Show me how it could be.”

She took my hand in hers and held on tightly. Her bottom lip shook. “I don’t want to die, Cromwell. I have too much to live for.”

“I would have lived my whole life trying to achieve even a tenth of the talent you have, Cromwell. It’s why I was so hard on you. Because of the gift you have.” Her eyes dropped. “And I think I would have spent my whole life waiting for a boy to treat me as you have recently.” She swallowed. “Last night…it was everything I could have wished for.”

“Why did God put him in my path now? When it’s too late? When I might not make it?” I looked at my mama. “Why would He be so cruel?”

“Maybe he was brought into your life to help make it better. Have you ever thought of that? Maybe he was brought in at exactly the right time. When you will need people you love around you most.”

“What if I let him in completely, and then I don’t make it? How could I do that to him? How could I hurt him that way?”

“Don’t you think that should be his choice, sweetheart? You’ve already got so much weighing on your soul. Don’t add making decisions for him to the list.”

“He’s kinda damaged, Mama. He has all this talent, but he doesn’t like to play or compose. Something holds him back.”

“Then maybe you should help him find the love he’s lost.”

“I can’t believe you’re approving of him.” I thought of his tattoos and piercings, his permanently dour expression. “He’s not exactly the typical boy next...

“No, he’s not.” She bumped my arm. “But the way he was fighting for you, didn’t want to leave you, tells me everything I need to know. Obstacles in life sometimes make you l...

In such a short time, the memories he had given me had become the most treasured in my weak heart. And it would be these memories, and the ghost of his lips against mine, that would inspire me to fight that much harder.

I couldn’t take another loss. But the loss of what could be, that was what scared me most. Because I was sure we could be something special. She just had to survive.