He Sees You When You're Sleeping

by Alta Hensley

Fa la la fucking la. I can’t lie in bed all morning avoiding the day, and yet here I am.

Over the past few years, I’ve been shoveling Chloe’s walkway after a snowstorm

I take one last look at Chloe, etching this moment into the corners of my memory. She’s laughing now, her sorrow from a few moments ago replaced with unbridled joy as she talks about the next piece of jewelry.

I promise myself that this will be the last time I come around to watch her from afar. But deep down inside, I know that’s a lie. Chloe Hallman is my drug.

But as I start walking to work, I can’t shake the image of Chloe’s smile, the sound of her laugh. I tell myself this is the last time, that I’ll stop coming to the café, stop following her. Okay . . . I’m a liar. I miss her already.

Bad, bad girl! I want to burst through that window and explain the dangers, lecture her on fire safety, spank her naughty and perfect ass, and then beg her to let me fix it properly.

I know, I want to say. I want to admit that I was the one working the scene that night. That I was the firefighter who pulled her parents’ bodies from the wreckage. That I held her shaking hand as I got her into the ambulance. That I went to the hospital after my shift to check on her and have watched over her ever since.

“Wanna know a secret? I happen to like dark,” he says, his eyes connecting with mine.

He holds my gaze, his expression turning serious. “I’m not afraid of the dark. Or of you.”

You want a man who doesn’t ask. He just does. You want a man who takes control, who knows what you need before you even realize it yourself. I see a woman who craves intensity. Who wants to be pushed to her limits, to experience everything life has to offer. But I also see someone who’s afraid. Afraid

Yup, I’m going to hell on a sleigh ride. I’m double-fisting my ticket to hell.