Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

by Amy Bailey

“And just because I don’t believe in Santa doesn’t mean that I have to go around and try and convince other people that Santa isn’t real, right? I mean, it would be wild for me to walk into a Santa convention and start spouting off facts about how outrageous it is to believe one festively plump holiday deity breaks into billions of people's homes while streaking through the sky faster than the speed of light, being pulled by magical cryptids that can fly but also have enough self-awareness to bully each other for their physical differences, right?”

obsessed w the implications of this being similar to religion lol

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you–” A snorting laugh escapes the back of my throat,

me too

“You could have warned me. I wasn’t prepared for an impregnation by spirit spunk.”

HELP

Mary sports a swollen belly under the dirty clothes, and the guy playing Joseph looks like he’s a good thirty years older than her.

this is prolly historically accurate tbh

we’re just throwing our hard-earned money at the same three corporations who rake in billions of dollars in profits while exploiting the working class and fueling the dumpster fire that is consumerism. Are you following me?”

oh i’m absolutely following you

“Oh, and don’t get me started on the whole ‘naughty or nice’ thing because if we’re letting some white-haired minor deity with a penchant for little kids start trying to sell us his own twisted sense of morality, then maybe it’s a good thing climate change is melting his home.”

IM SCREAMING

I want to sink into the fucking ground. The earth needs to swallow me up right fucking now. Take me, dirt! I’m all yours!

Me too Caleb

Sir, if you’re looking for the furry convention, you want the Marriott down the street.”

HELPPPPPP

“Goth

Alright im in

Wren snorts a laugh. “I should hope not. Too many tiddies.”

No such thing Wren

All we’re missing is a Ouija board, and we’d be the opening scene of Slumber Party Massacre 2.

Okay this is the third reference to this movie series. I think i have to watch them now

“Oh, I’m locked in.”

Me too Caleb

“Is there anything you can’t do?” “Parallel park,” Wren says,

ME TOO WREN

“Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe,” Freddy suggests.

NOOO AUGHHH

This is a ‘you’ problem, Dad. Your love for archaic rules must outweigh the love you have for me, and if that’s the case, then I want nothing to do with you.”

Damn that hits hard