Anywhere With You

by Ellie Palmer

“You were planning to Winnie the Pooh it for our first time? Disappointing, honestly.”

This book has made me laugh til I cried.

A hand connects with my shoulder first, then a knee at my back, until finally a dangling bouquet of flaccid penis and distended testes slaps the side of my face. For a split second, the sweaty skin sticks like a bug on flypaper, then it peels off my cheek when the owner of the rogue scrotum leapfrogs over my topless body. He buckles at the knees in front of me the instant he lands. “Holy sh—” Russell cuts himself off, biting his own fist. His other hand is clutching his roughed-up genitalia.

🤣🤣🤣

“Are you okay?” I ask after him. He curls up into the fetal position, writhing in pain. “Your cheek is so bony,” he says accusatorily. “You got some of my nose in there too,” I respond, a little hibiscus LaCroix bobbing in my throat at the memory of Russell’s balls against my face.

🤣🤣🤣 DYING

His body rocks back and forth like he’s a giant baby entering the world in nothing but a pair of Hokas. Finally, he begins to uncoil when the pain appears to reach just-walk-it-off levels and he can stand.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣