In the Veins of the Drowning (The Siren Mage, #1)

by Kalie Cassidy

He reminded me of summer. Skin a golden brown, eyes the color of dark leaves. The wind tousled his inky hair so that it hung over his creased brow. He was regal, towering and straight, well-built and graceful, but it was the way he looked at me down the length of his ever-so-slightly crooked nose that made me certain he was of noble birth.

I knew King Theodore to be twenty-seven—a year older than I was—and ever since he had taken the throne seven years ago, Nemea had not ceased in his obsessive complaining. The “boy-king,” as he still called him, was too haughty, too good, too loved, too honorable to be a ruler that Nemea could ever respect.

“You think I’m much stronger than I am.” I could only bend for so long before I snapped.

There you are, dearest. I’ve waited so long.

Who is this?!?!

“Marriages!” My gaze bounced between all three of them. “We’re married?”

I have no desire to be like you—” I jabbed a finger against his chest. “To scrape myself empty for others and call it noble.”

“A nekgya.” He pulled back to look in my eyes. “They hunt the waters closest to the islands.” Despite his proximity, a chill slipped through me. “What do they hunt?” Those eyes. A mix of pity and wariness filled them before he drew me back into his embrace. He spoke softly, his voice heavy with contrition. “Sirens.”

“I called you a gnat, and I detest myself for it. I am the bug. A moth. And you are the moon. Drawing me, pulling me. But I’ll never be able to reach you without destroying myself. All I can do is pray for the day.” He gave me a pleading look. “Do you understand? I am doing my very best to keep a grip on myself, to keep my distance, but everything you do seems in service of thwarting that goal.”

“I would have worshipped you,” he said, husky and slow. “Laid you out over my bed like a goddess on her altar and gotten on my knees before you. And when we were done, after a very long time…” He brought me tighter to his chest, and I all but melted into him. My nose brushed his chin. “… I’d thank you for tearing me to ribbons with those pretty talons of yours.”

“Lay a hand on my wife and you’ll lose it.” Theodore gripped the hilt of the dagger.

Someone is not so immune now is he?

The red, eel-stitched flag, flapping in the wind as if it were undulating through the sea. The dark sails, the same color as King Nemea’s bitter wine. Theodore reached my side; our bond calmed. He saw what I did, and it morphed his countenance back into that of a king. His chin lowered. His gaze grew hard. “There he is.” There was not a hint of surprise in his voice. He’d been prepared, he’d known Nemea’s men would come. So had I, but I found myself staring, slack-jawed, with terror wriggling through me as if it were that Godsdamned eel. Nemea had come to take back what was his.

There is a crown. Ripped, ripped, ripped from the head. There is a bond. Cut, cut, cut from the blood. The queen lies drained of her divinity. The king sits wrecked and ravaged beneath her wing. Rohana made an awful gasping sound that droned on for what felt like minutes. What they have made will decimate the order of all things. I shook my head. My voice was dreamy and slow. “I don’t understand.” Rohana cackled through the darkness. What they have made will bring chaos. Will bring ruin. Will bring death.

The king sits wrecked and ravaged beneath her wing. My heart began to squeeze. What they have made will decimate the order of all things. “What they have made… What the queen and the king have made…” I whispered, clinging to Theodore’s sturdy shoulder. My stomach dropped. “Is Nemea…” Rohana began to giggle, and with sickening assuredness, I knew. “He’s my father.” “Good girl.” She sounded approving of my revelation, but I was undone. The features of Nemea’s face, the notes of his voice, even the remembered touch of his hand, swarmed me. “I’m not…” Then Rohana was in front of me. Her skeletal fingers clamped onto my jaw, and she jerked it toward her face. “You are what will bring chaos and ruin and death. You are the fount of desolation and change.” My throat tightened with tears. “And Theodore…” I was the daughter of the man he hated most. “Will I ruin Theodore too?” She blinked slowly. “His power and duty are as incorruptible as ever. And yet he would give up his throne for you.” “No.” I shook my head. “He’s a good, loyal king—” “Chaos. Ruin. Death,” she whispered through a flash of bluish teeth. Her wrinkled mouth pulled back in a smile. “I’ll tell you what I would do if I were still young and beautiful like you.” Her white eyes shone. “I would keep him. I’d use his power and body to keep myself safe. Your journey to sever your bond with Eusia will be dangerous. You’d be a fool to go it alone.” Her vines brought her even closer to me, but I was too stunned to recoil. “Da...

“I cannot even see her for the way you encompass me.” Emotion etched his face. “You fill my every sense. You stalk my waking mind. You make up the entirety of my dreams. I couldn’t speak to you after what Lachlan said because it shocked me—that he was right. About what I feel—”

“It’s not the blood bond. We both know it’s not. There is something between us that that Godsdamned bottle of muck cannot sever.” He closed the rest of the distance between us, cupped my face in his hands. He spoke over my lips. “What I feel for you is beyond reason—beyond duty and desire. You have tipped my whole world on its side, and you are the one clear thing in the chaos.” His nose brushed the end of mine. “You. I want you.”

“You are so determined to believe you are some dark harbinger, some monster. I cannot believe—I refuse to believe that knowing you, that binding myself to you—” He swallowed hard. “That… that caring for you could possibly be the cause of my ruination. But if you are to devastate me, then let it be completely. Lay waste to me and everything that’s mine. A life without you in it is not one I wish to lead.”

“You have shone a light on me. You made me feel fury and terror and joy and longing. How do I curl myself back into the darkness after being so alive?”

This isn’t the end, I lied to myself as I wrestled the cork from the vial. We’d have more time. We’d tease one another again, and fight, and I’d feel again the deep timbre of his voice reverberating through me when we lay chest to chest. I told myself he was still mine, even as I set the bottle to my lips and tilted my head back.

Theodore’s absence would bring me more than heartache. For awful things filled empty spaces. And it was in the darkest, deepest part of the sea that monsters were made.

💔

Immy, I begin uncertain what to write you. I am overcome by the empty space you have left behind. Please know, I had no intention of leaving you. I was ordered to do so by my council. They said I have forgotten my duty, that I have brought war upon us with my lack of control. Eftan refused to let me give you the binding gown and ring until I threatened to have him permanently removed from the palace. All this to say, I am adrift. I am bereft, but I think my purpose is growing clearer than it ever has been. My duty, my desire—they have become one entity. They are both unquestionably tied to you. The absence of you has shown me that, if you will let me, I will happily carve myself open again and pour you back inside me. I cannot see how yet. I don’t know the way. But if you will have me again at the end of all this—even if you won’t—I am yours. For now, I must do terrible, punishing things to keep my people and you safe. Come back to me and absolve me of them. Yours unendingly, Theo

“In the wake of the ruined, when the spirit rends, mend and loop and seal. In the veins of the drowning, when blood fills the throat, clear and wash and heal.”