So for you to go directly to the intellectual side of yourself confuses people; so few people are capable of going directly there that they don’t believe you can; they feel you must be ignoring or repressing the reaction that they are sure they would have. It also means that they can’t offer the help that they would want to receive in your place: they can’t wipe your tears, hold you while you wail; it pushes them out of the room, in a way. Hence the loneliness of mourning as you do: not only are you mourning but the form of your grief and your ways of approaching it are not understood, or are
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