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No, it wasn’t God; it was Helen, standing on the balcony—eavesdropping, of course.
I was suddenly worried about getting arrested.
“How are you doing that with these sausage toes?” “Hey! I like my toes.” “They’re adorable, but they look like they belong on a fat toddler.”
When I met Adam, he was already dying. And he knew it.
This was why I had fallen for him. He was dying in a bed and he was still joyful, buoyant, and charming.
“I’m already dying of cancer, Charlotte. You trying to give me a heart attack, too?”
“Oh my god, Charlotte . . . this is how I want to die . . . with you, standing naked in front of me. Don’t forget that part, okay?
When it’s time for me to go, you have to get naked, just like this, right in front of me.” “That might be a little awkward for the doctors and nurses.”
“I can imagine a long life with you,” he said. “I can imagine what a great wife you’d be. You’re going to make someone a very happy husband.”
“Promise me this is the last moment in your life that you will let fear stop you from doing what you want.”
“Promise me. Promise me that you’ll go on and take everything you want, take what you deserve.” “I promise.”
“I’ll have my eye on you.”
“Yeah, you gonna keep watch?” “I’ll be very angry with you if you dwell on me, young lady. All the things I said in
that letter, I meant. Okay? But I was talking about my life, not yours, and it wasn’t some dying man’s poetic nonsense. I wanted you to know that I am grateful to you. I’m grateful to you now. I got to experience it in this life, and I don’t think it’s mea...
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“Love, Charlotte. Just like we won’t be judged by the brevity of our lives, no one will ever be able to take this away from me. Not the cancer, not my death, not your new boyfriend...
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“What if there is a 9.0 earthquake right below us in the next minute? What if the sun explodes tomorrow? What if heaven is real? What if God is a woman? What if the moon landing was a hoax? What if Donald Trump is an alien?”
Everyone walks around blabbing about love and life like we all know what it’s supposed to mean and how we’re supposed to feel. We put these stupid restrictions on our relationships . . . for what? According to whom? God? Society? None of it actually matters because when you have the unfortunate knowledge that you’re going to die
very soon, none of it applies. Rules are for people with the luxury of time.
He taught me that one way to give your life meaning is to teach another person how to look within and love.
“If you told me I could have another life, a longer
life, but that I couldn’t have you, I’d say no thanks. I’d take you and my short life over and over again.”
I promise to love you forever. As long as there is love in this world, we will be a part of it.”
“I think we have soul mates, but I think we can have more than one, just like we can have more than one career, or more than one hobby, or more than one fucking favorite food. Different people connect to different parts of our souls.
When a person is ready to fall in love, it happens fast. There’s no looking back or in between to find empty space where water can put itself to freeze, to crack the two of you apart. There is no void. There’s no weighing of options or analysis of pros and cons. Everything is reduced to feelings and emotions and actions that don’t need explanation or justification.
Love
is a wordless secret; it’s an inside joke. Only the two of you have to understand it.
