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Troy’s smile looked like it had been trampled on. Not only did it not meet his eyes, it barely met his mouth.
“Big family?” “Two older sisters, Mom, Dad, Grandma before she died, three dogs, a cat, and a ghost.” Troy decided to ignore that last thing. “Jesus. That’s crowded.” God dammit. No, he couldn’t ignore that last thing. “Ghost?”
“I don’t really care about food. It’s just fuel.” Harris didn’t understand those words at all. “Food
Troy hesitated a moment. He wasn’t in a hurry to go back to his lonely hotel room, and he found he didn’t mind being around this weird little apple farmer. He didn’t mind looking at him either, which wasn’t good. He left.
“So, is, like, everyone going to be at this?” “Probably not everyone. Ilya won’t be there.” “He won’t?” “Nah. He’s almost never around on days off.” “Where does he go?” Harris shrugged. “No idea. If there’s a team hospital visit or a community outreach thing, Ilya is always available. If not, no one can ever reach him on a day off. I figure it’s his own time, so it’s no one’s business anyway. But the guys like to invent theories.” “You’re right,” Troy said after a moment. “It’s no one’s business.”
“Team hospital visit on Wednesday, yes?” Ilya asked. “Yup,” Harris confirmed. “You gonna get your ass kicked at Mario Kart again?” “No. I have been practicing.” Harris laughed. Ilya probably wasn’t kidding.
“Has anyone ever said anything to you? About being gay?” Troy asked out of nowhere. Harris had no idea why he was asking, or even what he was asking, but he said, “You mean given me shit about it?” “Yeah.” “Of course. But no one I care about. Why?” Troy didn’t reply, seemingly as interested in a soggy McDonald’s straw wrapper as Chiron was. Then he said, to the straw wrapper, “Anyone on the team? Or in the organization?”
He got on the bus without looking back, and Harris sauntered over to the van, where a giant beaver was probably waiting for him.
But as he watched the absolute goofball in the driver’s seat cheerfully dueting with Mariah Carey, he couldn’t deny how badly he wanted him. For his own. More than Harris could ever, ever, ever know.
“Can you keep a secret?” Troy hadn’t even realized he was asking the question before the words were out, hanging between them with their clouds of breath on a Manhattan sidewalk. Ilya’s lips curved into a wry smile. “Yes. Very well.”
“Was that your first gay bar?” “Yeah, it was.” Ilya burst out laughing. “Incredible.” Troy shook his head, but the absurdity of the whole night hit him all at once, and he started laughing too. “What did you think?” Ilya asked. “It had more NHL players than I was expecting.” Ilya’s laugh was a high, delirious-sounding giggle that only made Troy laugh harder.
“I was just—oh god. Does everyone know? Is it obvious?” “No. Not everyone is as, um, notices things?” Ilya furrowed his brow, and Troy helped him out. “Perceptive?” “Yes. I am the most perceptive.”
grinning like a loon,
LOON MENTIONED
“The plane is on fire!” “Fuck,” Troy muttered. “Fuck.” Across the aisle, Ilya was frantically typing something on his phone.
It wasn’t fucking fair that this was how Troy felt he had to live. To love in secret, to feel everything in secret.
He took him deep, because that was something Troy was good at. Hockey and deep throating, his top two skills.
“Mr. Neck-Neck is a pervert.” “No way, man. He’s just chill and sex positive.”
Ilya moved away from Hollander and said, “We can catch up at the All-Star game this weekend.” He turned to Pike. “The All-Star game is a special match played between the best players in the league.”
They went to Harris’s place because Troy wanted to keep the homey good vibes going. He wanted to make love to Harris under a homemade quilt and surrounded by colorful pillows. And a weird stuffed giraffe.
“I think I’m in love with him, Mr. Neck-Neck.”
“Let me get some pets in before Rozanov sees—” Wyatt was cut off by a banshee scream coming from Ilya’s stall. “What the fuck, Harris? Why is he huge?” “Dogs grow, Roz.” Ilya had already crossed the room and was kneeling next to Wyatt, bumping the goalie out of the way. “Chiron! You are such a big boy now! You are like two Chirons!” He thoroughly scratched the happy dog’s ears and neck.
