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He would end this, and he would move on. He realized, as he was making this plan, that he was brushing his fingertips over his lips. They still tingled from the memory of the other man’s mouth pressed against them. He knew making plans to end this was pointless. As long as this was being offered, Shane would never be able to say no.
“That doesn’t mean we can... I mean, how would we? Where would we?” “Are you homeless?” “No.” “Well then...”
Shane. He called me Shane.
“Tell me everything you want to say,” he said. “In Russian. I won’t understand but...maybe it will help?”
“and on top of everything, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I’m fucked,” he murmured in Russian. “I am so fucking in love and it’s horrible.”
Shane kissed the tips of two fingers and reached out and touched them to the screen. And Ilya’s heart fucking stopped. “Good night, Ilya.”
Ilya couldn’t believe what he had been reduced to. He was...infatuated. It was disgusting.
“Fuck you and your loon!” Ilya said. “Stupid Canadian wolf bird.”
“And maybe...someday. When we both retire. We can...be together. For real.” Ilya looked stunned by that part. “You really think that far ahead, Hollander?” “I do about this.” “You want that? To be together?” “I do. So much it terrifies me.”
He wanted to tell Shane that the closest he felt to home was when he was with him.
He was going to give it all up for this chance at something lasting. For the chance to hold the heart of the beautiful man who was exhaling Ilya’s name like it was the most important word in the world. Ilya had no problem giving it all up. He would give up so much more, if he needed to.
“I still don’t like you, Rozanov,” Hayden said. “Oh no!” Ilya mocked him. “How can I impress Montreal’s fifteenth best player?”