The Long Game (Game Changers, #6)

by Rachel Reid

It would be, altogether, their eleventh NHL season of hiding. Seven seasons of secret hookups, and three seasons of being in a mostly secret committed relationship. It had been a lot of hiding.

“Can I get takeout and eat at your house? I just want to hang out, you fucking doofus.” “Oh.” Shit. Was Shane a terrible friend? Probably. “Sure. Of course.”

But being in Canada, near Montreal, made it easier to be with Shane. Ilya could build a life here, in Shane’s hometown of Ottawa. Eventually he could become a Canadian citizen, and retire, and start a new adventure with Shane.

“You think kids aren’t practicing that move all over the hockey-playing world?” David asked. “I’ll bet half the NHL has practiced it, but no one can pull it off except you and Shane.” Well. That was nice to think about, not that Ilya would admit it.

“What is the point of life if you are not eating chicken parmesan and ice cream?” “I can think of some good things,” Shane said as he gently caressed himself through his underwear. “Besides food.” “High interval training?” Ilya asked dryly. “Shut up. I’m trying to be sexy.”

“You’re so fucking big. Like, everywhere. Your arms, your chest, your fucking thighs. I love how tall you are. I don’t even care that you make fun of my height because I fucking love being swallowed up by you when we’re together.”

But all Ilya said was, “I love you so much, Shane.” Shane knew it, but hearing Ilya say it in such a raw, unguarded way cut through him like a blade. The pain of not being in the same room as Ilya felt physical.

Ilya: I would rather have the sandwich that is made with pancakes as bread. Shane: Gross.

Obviously I’m not going on a show like this because I’m married to the best woman in the world and we have...four beautiful children.” Shane grinned. “Did you hesitate before you said four?” “No!” “Did you actually lose track of how many kids you have?”

You’d be the responsible one who makes sure they, like, eat vegetables and brush their teeth and stuff. Ilya would be the fun one who buys them Jet Skis for their tenth birthdays.”

“Do what makes you happy. Live how you want, love who you want. People will judge you, hate you, criticize you, but plenty more will support you and love you. And, in the end, no one matters except the people you care about. Your parents support you, your best friends support you. Who are you really worried about?”

“Someone might notice my heart eyes.” “Your what?” “Heart eyes. Hayden said I look at you with heart eyes.”

I look at you and I am just...” Ilya opened and closed his fist several times in front of his chest. “My heart goes crazy, you know?”

Ilya grinned and shook his head. “Is just being in love, I think.” Shane covered his face with a pillow. He couldn’t look at Ilya in that moment. Couldn’t let Ilya see him either.

Ilya blew him a kiss. “Knock that shit off,” said a gruff voice beside Ilya. He turned to find one of the refs frowning at him. “I’ll give you an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty if you keep that up.” Ilya rolled his eyes as he skated to his bench. If the ref only knew how much Ilya actually wanted to kiss Shane.

“Hollander would hate that.” “My good friend Shane Hollander, you mean?” “There’s no way he likes you that much.” “He loves me,” Ilya said plainly. Honestly. Bood, of course, thought he was kidding. “Now you’re really dreaming.” Ilya chomped on his mouth guard to avoid smiling.

And this. The times when Shane wanted to prove something to Ilya—wanted to be good for him. And rewarded for it after. Ilya fucking loved this sex.

Ilya put the cream away and headed for the sugar bowl. “I said you come really fast when I suck your balls.” Shane threw a strawberry at him. “You’re an idiot. And it’s not even that fast.”

“When you watch it, this is what you will see. Me saying nothing. I wanted to say you are fucking everything to me. Everything. Okay?”

“Is he your husband?” Ruby asked. Ilya flinched, nearly making Shane’s brush slip. “No.” “Are you his husband?” “That’s not how—” Shane said, then stopped himself. “We’re not married.” “Are you going to get married?” Shane locked eyes with Ilya, and Ilya saw the silent plea for help in them.

Jade grabbed her sister’s arm. “We could have a wedding today!” Ruby jumped and clapped, probably making a mess of her nails. “Yeah! Can we?” Ilya grinned at Shane. “What do you say, sweetheart?”

“This is the wedding of Shane Hollander and Ilya...” Jade narrowed her eyes at Ilya. “Rozanov,” he supplied. She nodded. “Rose-noff.” Shane snickered, and Ilya nudged him. “Shane. Keep it together. Is our wedding day.”

“I’m two hundred pounds!” “Sure you are.” “I am!” “Like you are five-ten.” “I am five-ten!”

Shane, feeling brave, admitted, “There were moments today where I felt like I was looking into our future.” Ilya pulled back to meet Shane’s gaze. “And it was okay?” “It was amazing.”

“I love you,” Ilya murmured against Shane’s lips. “I love you too.” “But we are not having four children.” Shane laughed. “God no. Of course not.” “It would be too much. With the dogs.” “Um. I think you mean cat.” “I did not mean cat. Definitely not.” “How many dogs exactly?” “Some. Maybe one, to start. And then he needs a friend, so two. Maybe they don’t like each other so we get number three to be, um...” “A mediator?” “Okay. Maybe, yes.” “And if they don’t like that one?” “The fourth dog will—” Shane stepped out of Ilya’s arms. “No.”

“How’s your knee?” “It fell off,” Ilya said dryly, clearly done with Shane asking the same question over and over.

Shane wanted to snap at him that just because a man was gay and single and handsome and a personal trainer didn’t mean that Shane would—okay, well, under different circumstances Shane probably would be into all of that, but that wasn’t the point.

Besides.” He leaned in. “I know you and Ilya are married now, so...” Shane closed his eyes. “Oh my god.” “Jade told me it was a beautiful ceremony. I’m a little hurt that I wasn’t invited but, y’know. I’m happy for you kids.” “Shut up.”

“Annulled means ending a marriage, dumbass. Do you want to end your marriage and marry both of us? Because that’s how that sounded.” “Fuck no! First of all, Jackie rules, and second of all, I would never marry Rozanov.” “So you’d marry me?” Hayden turned a little pink. “No! I’m not—no!”

“Maybe you should be on that other site? The porn one.” “The porn site? Like, the one and only porn site? Is that the one I should be on?” “Shut up. You know the one I mean.” “Sure. Is it porno site dot com?” “OnlyFans! That’s the one I mean! Isn’t that where people, like, do sex stuff for money?” Hayden laughed so hard Shane worried he would lose his towel. “You are so innocent. I love it.”

He’d already met the love of his life, and he was head over heels, and he couldn’t tell anyone and it fucking sucked.

“You want to get fucked by a gladiator, Hollander?” Shane gazed up at him through his dark lashes. “I put a plug in before I left.” Holy shit.

“Fucking love you so much,” Shane panted. “Needed this.”

“Wow,” Shane rasped. A weird giggle erupted out of Ilya. He covered his mouth quickly. Shane grinned. “Oh my god. What was that?” “Nothing. I don’t know.” Ilya distracted himself by carefully pulling out of Shane.

“Thank you,” he said into Shane’s hair. It was so unlike Shane to be impulsive like this. To drive to Ottawa in the middle of the night for some quick sex. But it was also unlike Ilya to cry after sex, so everyone was experiencing new things tonight.

The next morning, when the sun had just begun to rise, Ilya watched Shane drive away. He stood on his front step for several minutes after, staring in the direction the car had gone, and shivering in his gym shorts and T-shirt. Then, he went inside, closed the door, and burst into tears.

He didn’t want to tell Shane the truth: that he’d felt off for a while now, and that it was getting worse. That the things that used to help weren’t helping anymore. That he was worried this was how it had started for his mother.

That some days he missed Shane so much it felt like claws were digging into his heart.

“For dessert,” Ilya said with a slight quirk of his lips, “we can look at a picture of cake.” Shane rolled his eyes. “Or...” Ilya leaned in suggestively. “Maybe there is something else you are craving?” “Like your dick, you mean?” Shane asked dryly. Ilya grinned. “Is that part of your diet?” “Gross.”

“I love you,” Shane said, the words out before he’d known he was going to say them. Ilya’s smile turned bashful and sweet. “I still like to hear that.” “I still like saying it.”

“And that you squeak when you are trying not to come.” “I don’t squeak.” Ilya shrugged. “This is why we need a sex tape. So you can see.” “No way. You would leak it immediately.” Ilya grinned. “Can you blame me?”

“I am going to buy one.” “Ilya, no. Don’t be a dick.” “Dear Hayden,” Ilya said aloud as he typed. “My boyfriend is sad because he has a very annoying coworker and needs to be cheered up. Could you send him a video and sing him his favorite song, ‘O Canada’?” “That is not my favorite song.” “What is?”

Beside them, Ilya’s phone lit up. He picked it up, probably welcoming the distraction, and laughed. “What?” Shane asked. “Hayden texted me a picture of his middle finger.”

When he finally got himself under control, he opened his eyes and found Ilya grinning at him. “Trying not to come?” Ilya asked. Shane palmed Ilya’s face, pushing his stupid grin away. “You were asleep! What the fuck?” “I woke up,” Ilya said simply. “And you were meditating with your dick in your hand.”

“For the last time, I’m not attracted to Hayden.” “Too bad for Hayden.” “Hayden is straight and not attracted to me!” “If you say so.”

“Tell me what you think a sex party is,” Ilya teased. His eyes danced with glee. “No.” “Please. I have to know.” “Weren’t you about to—” “Yes. In a minute. Is there, like, balloons?”

“I am so glad I met you,” Ilya said quietly.

But then I fell in love with the guy.” “And...did he feel the same?” Ilya couldn’t stop the giddy smile that spread across his face. “He did. He does.”

“My worst fear is having to go back to Russia. Especially since, in that scenario, I would have been outed as bisexual.”

Sometimes I feel like I might scream, it’s so hard keeping this secret. I love hockey, and I deserve to have the career I want for as long as I want it. I’ve earned that. But if I had to choose...I’d choose him.”