Actress of a Certain Age: My Twenty-Year Trail to Overnight Success

by Jeff Hiller

Instead of seeing God as an old man in the sky or any kind of personified being, I now see God as hope. God is love and peace and sunsets and kindness. I know that sounds like a basic-B thing to say, but that is how I feel the presence of God.

In the same way that I reimagined God, I reimagined church. Community, friendship, showing love and compassion, helping people when they need help, laughing your ass off after three glasses of wine—that is church. Some people don’t like church, so if you don’t want to call celebrations with your close friends church, that is totally cool. But for me, reclaiming the church as a safe space is a wonderful gift in my life.

Still, the trip taught me more about myself than anything else had in my young life. Travel is fun, but it is also a path to personal growth. I learned that I’d grown up in a world that believed in white supremacy and that, especially as a white person, I needed to fight archaic racist ideas every day. I learned kindness was the ultimate virtue and one I wanted to put first in my life.

When guys don’t say much, you get to invent what is going on in their heads and it is always way better than what’s actually happening in there.

(1) Get to the in-person date sooner rather than later. People you turn out to have zero chemistry with can give great email. (2) You can be picky. If someone mentions something in their profile that makes you think they might be in a cult, just swipe left. Don’t try to make someone fit just so you aren’t alone. (3) With that said, err on the side of being picky about a potential partner’s character, not about their looks. A good personality can make an average-looking person very hot, and a hot person who has really bad breath will never be a match. (4) Choose a public place for your first meeting. Some people say it should be coffee, but I think a bar is fine too. Sometimes a cocktail takes away some of the scariness, but don’t get drunk. You look messy and it can be dangerous. (5) Tell them you have something to do after. I always told people I had an improv show later. I often did have one, but even if I didn’t, I told them I did. This gives you an excuse to leave if the date is a fizzle, and if you want to stay longer, you can say, “I’m having such a great time, I’m gonna skip my improv show!” which makes you seem charming.

In my own life, I am constantly focused on reaching the destination, but life is the journey. If I am not paying attention to the journey, I am not living life.