Atmosphere

by Taylor Jenkins Reid

But I think it is also the relief I feel that those stars are immovable.

Nothing you or I could do will ever alter them. They are so much bigger than us. And they will not change within our lifetime. We can succeed or fail, get it right or get it wrong, love and lose the ones we love, and still the Summer Triangle will point south. And in that way, I know everything will be some type of okay—as impossible as that can seem sometimes.

This is NASA. We have a plan for this.

Was it really that intoxicating, being asked about herself?

Vanessa nodded and then looked Joan in the eye. “Did it kind of kill you today?” she asked. “To be so close to it all? It killed me. I want to get up there almost as much as I want to breathe.”

Astronomy was history. Because space was time. And that was the thing she loved most about the universe itself. When you look at the red star Antares in the southern sky, you are looking over thirty-three hundred trillion miles away. But you are also looking more than five hundred and fifty years into the past. Antares is so far away that its light takes five hundred and fifty years to reach your eye on Earth. Five hundred and fifty light-years away. So when you look out at the sky, the farther you can see, the further back you are looking in time. The space between you and the star is time.

It is to witness time unfolding.

Not a single person left.

Donna was chattering away, as if talking nonstop would dispel her terror.

she's so real

Bravery is being unafraid of something other people are afraid of. Courage is being afraid, but strong enough to do it anyway.”

My God, she thought, what else can I do?

That was another thing she liked about him: he laughed at women’s jokes.

“If only I could find something I love half as much as you love talking about stars.”

How can her heart sink in microgravity? But it does.

“The night is young, and you’re out with a bad girl.”

But the truth was, Joan relished any moment to show people certain stars up close. How else could she tempt them to fall in love?

the meaning of life had to be up there, somewhere.

Bravery, Joan suspected, is almost always a lie. Courage is all we have.

She didn’t want to lower herself to the game men played.

Oh, they were much too close to the sun.

“I…they just think they’re very cute, don’t they? Two astronauts in love.” Vanessa laughed. “Yeah, how awful. Two astronauts in love.”

“I can’t imagine you ever being lonely,” she said. “I can’t imagine that everyone’s not begging to stand next to you all the time.”

“I’m scared I will wait forever,” Vanessa said, her voice a whisper. “And it will kill me.” Joan’s heart began to pound. “I’m begging you to tell me not to,” Vanessa said. “Please. Tell me I’m wasting my time. Tell me I’m crazy. Put me out of my misery, Joan. Can you do that?”

And this time, she was able to let the secret that existed between them live lower in her body, deeper under her skin.

But for now, Joan could think of nothing sweeter than what she had.

“In this way that burned me up. Like I had been fine until humans touched the moon. But once somebody had, I had to, too.” “And now?” Vanessa asked. “Now I will settle for the stars.”

“I love your dress,” she said. And then, in a low whisper: “And I want to take it off you.”

“Because I do not believe there is any original sin in any of us and I cannot sit there and listen to someone say there is. I don’t want to believe in any being who would judge and punish like that. And I’ll pay the price if I’m wrong and God does exist. Because I will not submit to a God like that willingly.”

“When you die, someone will bury you or turn your body into ashes. Eventually, you will return to the Earth. You already are a part of the Earth. What better reason do we have to take care of this Earth and everything on it than the knowledge that we are of one another?”

Vanessa came in the side door with the grilled kebabs.

if vanessa came home to me for the first time in weeks AND with grilled kebabs i fear i’d have no choice but to marry her

As they were falling asleep, Vanessa said, “I haven’t had a dream about my funeral in months.” “Really?” Joan said. “I wonder why.” And Vanessa, as she buried her head in Joan’s neck, said, “You.”

“Do you know what I want?” Vanessa said. “I want to be lying on a beach where we don’t know a single soul. And you are in a bikini. And I lay out this big blanket. And everything smells like suntan oil. And there are waiters bringing us French 75s. And the water is warm.” “And we can go into the ocean together and I can put my arms around you as the waves come and put my legs around your waist and just rest there with you.” “And I can kiss you and no one looks, no one cares.”

And Joan loved that God.

“Vanessa,” Joan said. “I want to do this forever.” Vanessa turned to Joan and smiled. And then kissed her temple and said, “Wouldn’t that be something?”

starman IS the best space song

But to love Frances was to be always saying goodbye to the girl Frances used to be and falling in love again with the girl Frances was becoming.

This probably wasn’t what an astronaut looked like to most people. But she was one, and she was going up into space. So the definition was going to have to change.

i hope barbara dies

“Happiness is so hard to come by. I don’t understand why anyone would begrudge anyone else for managing to find some of it.”

I would promise you all of this, too.

“You can’t miss something you never had.”

My God, who could care about the stars when there was her to look at?

“I love you,” Vanessa said. “And I’m sorry.”

“If that can be enough for you,” Vanessa said, “it’s yours until the day I die.”

“You may just land on the moon.”

It was like being handed a gift you had wanted desperately five years ago. One that Joan had taught herself how not to yearn for anymore. And, therefore, did not know what to do with now.

Donna knew. Donna knew and she had, perhaps, long known. And she didn’t care.

we stan donna in this house

Donna knew! Donna would love Joan anyway, would love Joan still, maybe had even loved Joan because. Joan was safe with her. Joan was okay.

girl shut up she’s TEN

It felt so good to Joan, to hurt to leave her.