Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive

by Daniel J. Siegel

When we listen to our child’s signals we can learn more about his state of mind and point of view. Our understanding of our child is of primary importance as we internally process the signals we have received. This internal work of processing also involves our own assessments of the experience. A true collaboration involves the blending of both minds, which gives respect to an understanding of both our own and our child’s experience. If parents only understand their own experience and don’t connect with their child’s experience, they will very likely have difficulty in developing a close and meaningful relationship with their child. On the other hand, if parents only consider their child’s point of view and neglect their own internal experience they will very likely have difficulty in setting boundaries with their child. Parents may begin to resent their child for being too demanding. If parents forget to consider their own internal state and take into consideration only the needs and desires of their child, it can leave the parent feeling angry and exhausted and the child feeling insecure from a lack of boundaries.