Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive

by Daniel J. Siegel

shame and how it may have been a part of our early life histories can help to free us from the ruts that these emotional reactions can create in our relationships with others. We may have developed layers of psychological defense that protect us from being consciously aware of what would otherwise be disabling anxiety, self-doubt, and painful emotions. Unfortunately, such defenses may prevent us from being aware of how these implicit emotional processes may directly influence our approach to our children. We may project onto them unwanted aspects of our own internal experience, such as anger at their helplessness and vulnerability. In this way, defenses that protected us during an earlier time may blind us from understanding our own internal pain and impair our ability to parent well.