Andy had been frustrated with his work and was seeking connection and help. What was his internal experience of that interaction with the teacher? For any of us, not having connection when we need it can induce intense emotion. That emotion is shame. For a five-year-old, trying to understand the words “You are not here” must have also been quite confusing. He not only has noncontingent communication to deal with, but the teacher’s response is “crazy-making”—her words deny both his reality and also her own behavior! If he were truly “not there,” why was she even talking to him? This is a prime
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