For those with layers of defense that may cover up an internal state of shame, it may be useful to recall that the belief that the self is defective is a child’s conclusion, arising from noncontingent connections with parents. Realizing that “I am lovable” is important and can take the place of internal thoughts such as “I am not loved” or “I am unlovable.” Finding ways that work to help the right hemisphere learn to self-soothe are the keys to growth for this form of adaptation. You can give yourself the tools that your parents were not able to offer to you as a child. In many ways, this is
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