All by My Elf (Under the Mistletoe Collection, #3)

by Olivia Dade

“I’m not certain all the guys who say ‘Mine’s bigger’ fully understand the size and maximum capacity of a human vagina.”

“I thought leaving it off might help.”

“And by that, I mean . . . uh, help . . . help get me used to the cold.”

As if

She was imagining things.

“As you’ve said before, you’re afraid if you go too fast, our phyllo penis will fly off and impale another car.”

“Sometimes when a car zips past us on the open road, you look at it with this indescribable expression of heartfelt longing and teeth-gnashing envy. It’s simultaneously adorable and hilarious.”

“You realize I’m older than you, right?”

I mean, if they didn’t love you, they probably wouldn’t flash their boobs at you quite so much.”

The man had her pegged. Unfortunately, not in the way she would have preferred.

“How can you not know, Nina? Claudia says I’ve been making heart-eyes at you since the day you walked into the cubicle farm at the library. I grew this”—he tugged at the neatly trimmed hair on his chin—“because I once overheard you telling her you found beards hot. I gave up my favorite desk to Sukeerth in exchange for the cubicle next to yours.”

“Even as a committed introvert, I took a monthlong job that requires daily crowd control and extensive socializing, all whilst riding aboard an enormous traveling penis, just to be near you.

“Go ahead and play, Nina.” His voice was rough but resolute. “I’m all yours.”

Then Dr. William Dern—frustrated academic; her colleague and longtime crush; the sexiest damn elf on this planet or any other—gripped her hips, braced his feet, and earned his freaking halo.

“According to Claudia, even if I’d followed you around all day with a sign reading

‘Please accept my deep and abiding nerd-love, Nina,’ I couldn’t have been any more obvious about my feelings.”