Not Quite Dead Yet

by Holly Jackson

Was this what it felt like to be a man? Walking on this creepy dark bridge, not scared for a second that she wouldn’t make it out the other side, because it didn’t really make a difference whether she did or not. The night belonged to her now too. A dead woman walking. And dead women had no use for fear.

I think I’ve spent so long waiting for it all to begin, for life to really start, that I missed out on what it was really all about. It’s not law school, or the big fancy job at the big fancy firm, or solving your own murder because it’s your last chance to prove something. It’s about all of those small moments I missed while I was waiting. I haven’t been able to see it until now. Racing bikes, doesn’t matter who wins. Cold beers. Writing songs just because it makes you happy. Laughing.

“You’ve always got a lot to say.” Billy smiled. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” Billy nodded, chewed his lip. “Do you see me now?” Raised his arms. “Yeah,” Jet said, “I see you. Do you see me?” “I’ve always seen you, Jet.”

“You can love something without needing it to love you back.”