This Inevitable Ruin (Dungeon Crawler Carl #7)

by Matt Dinniman

Merch that exploits my backside! Carl, do something!” I had to sit down because I was laughing so hard.

She was on the floor by Louis, wetly and loudly gnawing on his ankle, and he’d given up kicking her away.

I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BANKERS, BUT I DO KNOW NOBODY LIKES YOU RIGHT NOW AND NOBODY IS GOING TO BE DOING YOU GUYS ANY FAVORS ANY TIME SOON. AS FOR YOUR FATHER’S BODY, I’M AFRAID I’VE ALREADY TAKEN YOUR FATHER’S SKIN AND TURNED IT INTO A POWDER ROOM RUG. IT’S QUITE WATERPROOF AND MONGO SOMETIMES MISSES HIS PEE PAD WHEN HE HAS TO GO POTTY IN THE SAFEROOM. UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE SINCE IT CAME WITHOUT A HEAD, PLUS IT’S A LITTLE LARGE FOR THE RESTROOM. I’VE ALREADY PROMISED HIM THE NEXT ONE WE GATHER WILL BE OF A MUCH SMALLER ORC. SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU’RE PLANNING ON VISITING.

you now look like someone who’s required by law to knock on the neighbor’s door to tell them you’re moving in,

And afterward, I will kill her mother.”

You’d think I’d be ready for what happened next by now, but it still caught me off guard. He screamed right in my damn face.

The whole place smelled like incense and grandpas.