The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles, #2)

by Kylie Snow

I took in a shaky breath. I had never spoken about this to anyone. “I did her a disservice by becoming the man I am today. Don’t let it happen to you.”

He tucked his hands into his pockets. “That man…that man is deeply in love with you.” My eyes flared, and I loosened a breath. “What?” He gave me a half-smile, as much as he could muster with his broken heart. “He came to speak with me after the battle last night, giving me advice after I'd lost Emma. He spoke of you as if you were dead…told me he did you a disservice by becoming the man that he did.” I bit down on my lip to prevent it from wobbling, my eyes welling with tears.

She was ethereal as she moved, exuding a confident aura I never saw in her before…one I had hoped she'd come into one day.

She was a beautiful whirlwind. A force to be reckoned with. She was everything I dreamed of and more. A spitfire, a siren.

I realized that there really were no winners in war—just those who suffered a little less.

I wished there were a way to make things right without resorting to violence, but where corruption thrives, lethal force must be used. There was no way around it.

Sometimes, your demons hold so much power over you that you have to unleash them every now and again. To keep them from taking over completely.

“Part of me wishes I never met him…that I didn’t know what I was missing. I wish I had nothing to compare it to.” “I thought the saying was ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’?” “The losing hurts so fucking badly…even after all this time.”

“It has been nothing but torture being in your presence and being unable to have you.”

The feel of each other's body was our lifeline. Every touch was an indulgence. The euphoria that even a brush of her fingers provided was far stronger than what any drug or drink could offer me. Except with her, the high of each relapse was just as satisfying as the first.

When I reemerged, buttoning up my shirt, I finally met eyes with my best friend.

“You consume all of me, Lena. You are my waking thought and the final picture I see before I sleep. You are a siren that haunts my dreams. It's been that way since the moment I met you.” I sighed in defeat. “There’s not a damn second you aren’t on my mind.” “Silas,” she cried softly. “You represent all that I could ever desire…and all I can never have.” My voice cracked as I whispered, “You have destroyed me…and I resent you for it.”

“Lucky you, I suppose. My peace of mind perished the moment I met you. You've branded my soul, marking it as yours, even after all this time.”

“Nevertheless,” I murmured, “even with all the pain that has come with loving you, I would never choose to forget the beauty of the moments we shared. Because for me, those moments with you are the only beautiful memories I have.”

“You aren’t an object. You aren’t any less of a prize because you’ve found pleasure in others. Your value doesn’t lessen.” His golden eyes flitted downward.

“You are worth everything,” I whispered sincerely, bringing the hand of his I held up to my lips and giving it a kiss. His eyes met mine, and his hand slid back, his fingers lacing through my hair. “You are worth everything. Worth more than all the gold in Tovagoth, all the gems and jewels in every royal chamber, worth more than all the paintings and artifacts in the temples.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “Priceless, Lena,” he whispered. “You are priceless. That will never change.”

I never wanted anyone to ask or show me pity. Be reminded of it. I’m just so ashamed of it all.” “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Silas. You did what you had to in order to survive. The person who should be ashamed is your father.”

forgive you,” I expressed. “My love for you is limitless, Silas. Unchanging, no matter what you’ve done.

“You are deserving of it, and so, so much more. It doesn't matter to me that you aren't the man I used to love…because I love you just as you are now.” I pulled him into my chest and held him as he finally broke, unleashing a heartbreaking sob. “I will love every version of you, my Soul-Tie,” I whispered.

“He can’t hurt you anymore,” I whispered. “Never hold back your feelings around me. I will always be a safe person for you, okay?”

The rare smiles I had seen had never fully reached his eyes, but as he turned his head to me, catching that I had awoken, his eyes met mine. A soft smile formed on his face, and his eyes sparkled.

“I am desperately in love with you, Lena.” He moved his arm and slid his hand along mine—my hand that now rested on his thigh. Our fingers interlocked. “It has only ever been you. No matter what I have done or who I’ve been with. It was only ever you who held my heart,” he assured me.

He chuckled, the sound light and sweet. I decided then that it was the most beautiful sound. I wanted nothing more in this life than to see him happy, carefree, and satisfied. I wished to erase every burden on his shoulders and smother every self-deprecating thought he had.

I would show him just how much he was loved, so that he'd never doubt he was deserving of it ever again.

“I love you,” he whispered, his arms encasing me. “I love you so damn much.” He kissed the top of my head, running his thumb along my cheek. “I have missed making love to you. But I have also missed our friendship. I've missed it all.” My throat burned, but I smiled, kissing his cheek. “I love you more than anything. I've missed it all, too. The only...

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I lied. You deserved so much more. You deserved to have had the real me.” I gave her a small smile. “I think you would’ve liked him.”

“I just…I hope we can be friends again,” I said sincerely. “I am a broken person. But I’m really trying to be better.” His eyes flickered. “I’ve always considered you my friend.” His smile softened. “Plus, we’re all a little broken.”

“I am so grateful I found you again. You have made me truly content, something I never thought possible to feel again.”

“But you know the best part?” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. “I got to fall in love with you all over again. Not that I had ever stopped.”