Fearful (The Powerless Trilogy #3.5)

by Lauren Roberts

Ilya so loves to invent importance.

“Do you not know who you are, Mara?” Death likes the sound of her name. She had forgotten. “Not anymore,” she answers simply. Kitt wears the look of one who has been utterly seen for the first time.

“Wow”—I nearly laugh in shock at the despicable truth—“you must think I’m a horrible person.” “No.” Mara eyes me closely. “You are much more complicated than that.”

A queen to be. An underestimation to be reckoned with. Mara was wrong. She does indeed know this woman. In the Purging Trials—a stab wound to her abdomen. Death was there. In the Scorches—exhausted and on the brink of consciousness. Death was there. In a dark sewer—swelling with water and drowning out hope. Death was there. This soul is no stranger to ruin. Mara has been summoned to her side more times than she can remember. And yet, this woman always manages to live. It’s astonishing, really. Death has begun to dread the day this soul finally loses her grip on the tightrope she has dangled from for so long. Now she has a name. Paedyn Gray—Death’s most elusive soul.

Mara recalls scooping the vibrant soul from a stretch of bloody sand. She was quiet, Adena, in a way that suggested she often wasn’t when alive. But most memorable of all, she was not afraid. Peace itself was relieved to find her.

The man is frighteningly calm, his threat little more than a murmur. “Talk about her like that again, and you will be begging to stay locked in that room, safe from me.”

The Enforcer struggles to smother the shock on his face, and that is all the proof Death needs. Paedyn Gray’s heart belongs to another—the brother of her betrothed. “I always knew there was something between you, but…” This time, Blair does laugh. “You’re completely in love with her.” The strongest Elite, brought to his knees by an Ordinary.

Sighing, I look up at the mystery that is Mara. “I’m dying, aren’t I? Like truly, undeniably not going to survive this Plague?” A shadow of sympathy crosses her face. “Your body wasn’t meant to handle such power. I’m not sure how much time you have….” “Right.” I nod, again and again. As if that is all it takes for me to accept the consequences of what I’ve done for power. “Tell you what,” I start with a sigh. “I’ll remind you how to live if you teach me how to die.”

“To living with you, Mara.” I lift the coin between us. She drips before me, gaze unwavering. “To accompanying you in death, Kitt.”

Their smiles and breathless laughter speak to the bond buried deep between them. How boyish they seem. Death has been watching them for only a short time, but that is what she concludes. Along with how unfair her present occupation is. Mara takes no satisfaction in ripping these souls apart. But Life has given up on Kitt Azer, leaving her to blame for his demise.

But it was Kai the king focused his attention on. This, more than the Enforcer’s want for a betrothed woman, was obvious. Now, with the prince’s safe return to Ilya, Kitt wastes no time in his brother’s presence. For he has little left.

“I’m surprised,” the panting king says in the center of that dirt ring. This, of course, is in response to Kai’s supposed lack of contact with the future queen. Kai blocks a swift blow. “And why would that surprise you?” “You know why.” “Enlighten me,” the Enforcer dares. Death leans on a weapon rack, her anticipation growing. “Because you love her!” the king blurts raggedly. He lowers his sword, defeated. “Perhaps more than anything.”

“And I am your brother,” the king returns. “Always. No matter what.” His Enforcer nods. “You and me. Always.” Fervently, that is all Kitt Azer wants in this life he now slips from.

“Kitt?” My gaze snaps to Mara’s. It’s strange, hearing Death utter your name. “Sorry,” I murmur. “Just thinking.” “Stay with your thoughts.” She dips her head. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

“Gently.” “Gently?” I echo. “That is how to die.”

“So you truly hope for nothing?” I find myself asking. “Hope is for the living.” The strain in her voice saddens me. My connection with Mara may only be due to the imminent demise she will soon drag me to, but it feels real, nonetheless. Like a companion I’ve searched my whole life for, only to find her in Death. “Then…” I shrug. Shake my head. “I will be your heartbeat.” A wave of emotion crashes against Mara’s solid mask. “What?” “As of right now, I am still living,” I remind her. “So, hope vicariously through me. If it is a heartbeat hope needs, then I will be that for you.”

“You don’t have to go gently,” Mara practically blurts. I’ve never seen someone so softly flustered. “Die how you wish. I will catch you, however you fall from your lifeline.” I ponder this. “Is it easier for you? If I do not struggle?” “Infinitely.” “Then it is decided.” My gaze lifts to the stars above. “I will go gently. For you.”

It seems in every instance, in every body, Kai Azer chooses Paedyn Gray.

His still features look relieved. For he, unlike most, found peace in this fate. Mak was his name.

The Imperial shakes his head, now teetering on the verge of annoyance. “Do you know how I found you in the slums that night you escaped?” Blair stares at him, her defiance wavering. “Because even then, I knew you,” Lenny declares. “Your heart is not hollow. I listen for it in the silence. I find myself trying to memorize its unique pattern and hating that I can’t.”

He laughs helplessly. “And I don’t know what to do with that other than follow the sound of your heartbeat, wherever it may lead me.”

He stands then, stretching his long limbs. Blair huffs. “I’ll be here.” “I’ll know.” “By the beat of my heart?” the Tele blurts despite herself. Lenny turns, throwing a grin over his shoulder. “I’ll follow the sound of it home.”

“No!” Kai cries. “You were supposed to dodge, Kitt!” I prod at the wound, staining my fingers with blood. “I… forgot.” Just as I’ve forgotten everything. My brother catches me when I fall.

She listens to them bicker (some things never change, it seems) as they stroll down the street and stop before a corner shop. It is a bakery, Death realizes. Blair dons an apron beyond the large window. Lenny ties it for her. It is their bakery.

There, clutching a carton of plump blueberries, stands the only person Kitt Azer ever truly learned to love. “… Kitty?” Kai’s gaze widens on the ghost of his brother, welling with tears. He trembles slightly, in a way the Enforcer rarely did when Kitt was alive. But he is a king now, and perhaps, strangely, that gives him the power to feel more freely. “Is that really you?” Kai chokes, nearly laughing. Kitt notices, distantly, that time has taken its toll on only one of them. Stubble now shadows Kai’s strong jaw beneath the eyes creased with years of laughter. And not for the first time, Kitt feels cheated.

“No, Brother.” Kitt remembers how to smile for him. “But I do wonder how you can see me.” “I see you everywhere, Kitt. In every smile, every ripple of water, every blade that I can’t bear to raise.” Kai steps forward, slowly. “And now you’re actually here—”