When You Blush (The Blackwells of Montana, #4)

by Kristen Proby

This is for every single one of you who puts yourself last. Who cheers on everyone else, and would drop everything in the middle of the night for those you love. Who never wants to be a burden, or be in the way. Please take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Be a good girl and let Blake remind you just how deserving you are.

Honestly, the silence has been great. And his ignoring me has created the space I need to plan my exit strategy. Because after three years of putting up with his mood swings, lectures, body shaming, and cheating on me with just about anyone with a heartbeat, I’m over it.

when we chose and bought the pretty little bungalow just outside of Portland, he refused to put me on the mortgage. It’s only in Nathan’s name, which works well for me. I have no responsibilities here. In three more days, I will fly out of Portland to Charlotte, where I’ve taken my first traveling nurse assignment. A new life. Freedom. Anything but what I’ve been living.

It’s amazing how kind and sweet and tender he is with me when we’re around other people, but when it’s just the two of us, the monster comes out to play. And I can already see where this is going. He’s decided to move on to the lecture, torment, make-me-feel-smaller-than-a-snail part of his agenda. He does this often. Several times, he’s locked me in a bedroom and screamed at me for hours on end. But not today. Not ever again.

“You don’t get to speak to me ever again.” I push out of the house and walk to my car, get inside, and start the engine. He doesn’t follow me. He’s probably still standing there with his mouth hanging open. And finally, for the first time in three years, I’m free of him. It feels amazing.

With her hand still clutched in mine, the gorgeous woman next to me stares out the airport windows to watch the snow drift down softly as we wait for our luggage. She’s not my girlfriend. She’s definitely not my wife. This intriguing woman is a complete stranger to me, but I absolutely do not want to let go of her hand. The minute she stepped foot on that plane, I felt it. An immediate attraction. A connection. And not simply because she’s gorgeous.

when it was time to leave the plane, I knew I couldn’t leave her behind. All I know about her is that her name is Harper, she’s a NICU nurse by trade, and with all that dark hair and gray eyes, she’s so fucking beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off her. But when she tried to walk out of my life at the end of that tarmac, I told her she’d be with me and I offered her my hand. It wasn’t a question or a request.

Christ, she’s pretty. Even dressed so casually in leggings and a hoodie, with her hair up in a messy bun and in her glasses. No makeup. Absolutely fucking perfect. And I can tell that she’s attracted to me, too. This isn’t one-sided. She’s still letting me hold her hand, for fuck’s sake.

I don’t even know your first name.” I smile at her, nodding. “Blake. Thirty-four. Family practice and ER doc from Bitterroot Valley. The middle child out of five, I will likely catch some shit for not making it to dinner tomorrow, especially from my niece, Birdie, who is six and the apple of my eye. I’m not married or otherwise attached.”

I could say goodbye and go fend for myself like the grown adult I am.” I lean into her, not touching her, and press my lips to the soft skin just below her ear. Fuck me, she smells good. “You don’t want to do that, do you, Harper?” I pull back and hook a loose piece of her hair behind her ear. She licks her lips. Yeah, she’s fucking attracted to me. “I promise I’m not a danger to you.”

“I’ll fit on that couch,” I inform her, although I sincerely hope that by the time it’s time for bed, I’ll be in the king with her. Harper is gorgeous, smart, and completely fuckable. And I’ve recently had a dry streak when it comes to sex. I don’t do relationships. Ever. My schedule is too messy, and I’m married to the hospital. No woman should feel like she’s secondary to anything, especially a job, and that is unapologetically my priority in life. But I have casual sex down to a science.

Harper sighs and sips her water, eyeing me, and I can tell she’s trying to decide how much to tell me. I’m a perfect stranger. But I want to know everything I can find out about her in our short time together.

Why does he have to be so damn handsome, funny, and he likes to hike? Not just little hikes, either. The man has done Kilimanjaro. When he said that, my core tightened, and I’m pretty sure my vagina cried out with joy. Down, girl. I have avoided men like the plague for the past two years. No sex. No dates. No talking to men at all unless they were at work. No. Men. I’ll be the fun aunt once Ava or one of her brothers decides to settle down and pop out kids. I take care of babies every day at work. I do not need a man in my life.

now, I’m sharing a hotel room with him, and I’m sitting across from him at dinner, and this is starting to feel like a damn date. With the sexiest man I’ve seen in, well, ever. Holy muscles, Batman. This man has plenty to bring to the gun show, let me tell you. His biceps bulge against the sleeves of the green Henley he’s wearing. I might spontaneously combust if I try to imagine what they look like in a scrub top. And don’t even get me started on the sharp jawline, the dark hair, and the brown eyes with flecks of gold. Did I mention the muscles?

I grab a clean fork and dig in, sit back, and sigh in happiness. “Jesus,” he mutters, and when I open my eyes, he’s scowling. “What?” “You make some sexy fucking noises when you eat.” I blink at him. What am I supposed to say to that? Rather than try to think of something, I take another bite of pie and really work at not moaning. Honest, I truly try. But I can’t help it because that might be the best pumpkin pie I’ve ever eaten. Blake clears his throat. “Sorry,” I mutter. “It’s not my fault. The pie is delicious.” His jaw clenches. His dark eyes narrow on me. And I clench my thighs because this look he’s giving me screams I want to fuck you right here on this table. It’s damn satisfying.

He slips his hand in mine and weaves our fingers together as he hits the button for our floor. The air is static. My heart is hammering, and I’m … hot. It’s been such a long time since I had sex, I don’t know if I even remember how. But something tells me he knows.

I step inside with him, then walk to the middle of the living room, turn to face him, and we spend ten seconds just staring. It’s a silent conversation. Can I touch you? Yes. Can I fuck you? Please do. It won’t happen just one time, Harper. Thank God. Please get naked. And then he’s on the move and crashes into me after three long strides. He frames my face, and his lips cover mine, and I am completely lost to him. Lost to this intense chemistry. Because holy shit, do we have chemistry. Blake Blackwell might very well ruin me for all other men. And I’m totally okay with that. “Fuck, you taste so damn sweet,” he growls against my lips. “It’s the pie.” “No, sugar, it’s you.”

“Don’t you dare hide from me.” I push up and over her, gently move her arm aside, and brush my lips over hers. “Look at me, Harper.” She cracks one eye. “All the way. Look at me, beautiful.” She sighs and opens those gorgeous gray eyes, and I see the hesitation. The embarrassment. And that’s fucking unacceptable. “There you are. You’re beautiful. Every inch of you. I’m going to feast on your pretty pink pussy until you pass out.”

Her pupils dilate, and I kiss her chin before I move down her body, nudging her legs wider with my shoulders. And when my tongue laps up her core, through all of that wet heat, Harper moans. Her hands dive into my hair, and I. Fucking. Feast. I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I saw her on that plane. I want to consume her. I want to ravage her. When I’m finished with this woman, no other man will ever exist for her. No one else will ever come close to being enough.

I stare down into stormy eyes and feel something shift inside me. I don’t do relationships. But this girl could be a game changer.

Harper doesn’t want it soft and sweet. She wants it rough. And I’m happy to fucking deliver.

She starts to shiver, and the noises she makes are almost supernatural. I love it. I love that she isn’t quiet or inhibited. She’s pure sensual lust. And I know that one night with her will never be enough.

I laugh and pull her against me. Kiss the fuck out of her and love the way her leg wraps up around my hip. I’m going to fuck her all night. And for the first time in my life, I’m going to share breakfast with a woman. I can’t fucking wait.

I roll over to see her sweet face and stop short when I discover I’m the only one in this bed. And when I touch the sheets where she was, they’re cool. She’s been gone for a while. She left. I get out of the bed and check the rest of the suite to make sure she’s not simply in the bathroom, or in the living room, but her bags are gone. She’s gone. Well, fuck.

two big men enter the room, and I step back out of the way. “Oh, hello, Dr. Blackwell.” My head comes up at that. There he is. Blake Blackwell. The man who’s starred in every dream of mine for the past five months. The man who gave me more orgasms and rocked my world in ways that have never happened before in my life.

Harper’s here. She’s even more gorgeous than I remember, and that’s saying a lot. That one night with her has ingrained itself into my entire psyche, and aside from work and family, she’s all I think about. I have so many regrets about not getting her last name or asking for her number. Of course, I didn’t anticipate she’d sneak out on me. If I knew that was coming, I never would have gone to sleep. But now she’s here, in my hospital, and I have no intention of letting her slip out of my grasp again.

“Birdie’s great, and she can’t wait to meet her baby brother,” I reply with a grin. “I FaceTimed them right after the birth and showed Bryce off.” “Good.” Dani grins and relaxes a bit. “I don’t like being away from her, either.” “You’re such an amazing mama,” Bridger tells her. Dani isn’t Birdie’s biological mom, but she’s become a mother to that little girl in every way, and they share a special bond.

I want to go upstairs to the NICU to peek in on Bryce. Okay, that’s not entirely true. Yes, I want to see my nephew, but I’d also like to see his gorgeous nurse and explain to her that I am absolutely, without question, not that baby’s dad. And I’m not married. And I’m not a fucking liar.

It feels wrong to walk away from her, and I hardly know her. Hell, aside from knowing how she sounds when she comes, what she likes to eat, and the fact that she enjoys the same music as I do, I don’t really know her. But I’m going to.

Every minute of every day, I’ve wanted to track Harper down, get her number, take her on a date and then back to my place. And I don’t want that for just one night. I’m considering starting a … a something with this woman, yet the rest of my life is the same as it’s always been. It’s not fair to her. Yet I can’t imagine not at least trying. If she’s willing, that is. And I’m going to do my fucking best to persuade her.

“I’m going to pass.” She bites her lip and shuffles on her feet. “If I were ready for literally anything with anyone, I’d be giving you my number right now and would probably get a smidge clingy and you’d be like, whoa. Calm down, Harper.” Unlikely. “But you’re not.” Her smile is sad, and I want to ask her why. “I’m just not. I have this new job, some family stuff, life stuff.” She shrugs almost helplessly, and I want to pull her into me. I want to wrap my arms around her, bury my nose in her hair, and just hold her.

You have my number. If you ever want to grab a meal, a coffee, go for a hike”—I lean into her so I can whisper in her ear—“or scream my name while my face is buried in that perfect pussy, you just call me.” Her face flushes, and she chokes out a laugh as she takes the phone back. “In the meantime, I’ll keep my distance. Good luck with the new job, Harper. You’ll be great.” I wink at her and turn to walk away. Every cell in my body screams at me not to leave. To go back and talk her into seeing me. Even if there’s no sex at all, I just want to be with her. But I could see it written all over her gorgeous face. She’s not ready. And isn’t it just fucking ironic that the one woman who’s made me feel anything other than turned on for a very brief encounter is the one that I just can’t have?

It’s clear that Brooks and Blake come from the same gifted gene pool. Tall, broad, muscular, dark hair and eyes. Brooks has a bit of a grumpier look about him, while Blake is quick to smile. Both hot as hell.

“How have you been, Blake?” Missing you, Harper.

Her perfect face is clean of makeup and dewy from our hike, and Christ, I want to kiss those plump lips. I just want her. I crave her.

I love that she enjoyed Billie and Skyla so much. And I know she likes Dani. She’s basically friends with all of the women in my family, and she doesn’t even know it yet. Billie’s my sister. Skyla and Dani are with my brothers. Yeah, you’re going to fit into my family just fine.

The conversation with this woman is always so … easy. The back-and-forth is comfortable as if we’ve known each other for years. It’s effortless, and the more I get, the more I want. How can I go back to keeping my distance after this? It’s fucking torture.

before I can dip down to kiss her, she turns to look at the mountains once more and loses her balance. Her free arm flails out. I tug her against me and wrap my arms around her to keep her from falling. “Whoa. That could have been catastrophic.” She laughs but doesn’t pull away. She leans in. And just like that, I feel the shift. “Thanks for saving me from a very wet hike back to my car.” I grin and kiss the top of her head. “My pleasure.” Now she does pull away, but she doesn’t tug her hand away from mine. Just like all those months ago, after the flight from Denver, she leaves her hand in mine, and it warms my chest.

I don’t want to pull away. I step into her and tip her chin up before I slant my lips over hers. A little moan comes from her throat, and she wraps her arms around my waist. She leans into me, presses her breasts against me, and kisses me back. And every cell in my body ignites. I frame her face in my hands and devour her. She tastes like sugar and every dream I’ve had for six long, brutal months. Christ. I’ve missed touching her.

We’ve already placed our orders, and Blake’s holding my hand from across the table. This man loves to touch. And I am not complaining. I love it when he touches me, too.

I haven’t been with anyone, in any capacity, since you.” That startles her into blinking at me, her eyes wide as I continue to ghost my fingertip over her clit. “No one?” “I didn’t want anyone else. I had you, and no one else could compare, Harper.”

I’ll never see this dining room the same way again. Every time I walk in here, I’ll see her, splayed open for me so fucking beautifully it hurts, and I’ll be immediately rock hard for her, just the way I am now. Every goddamn time.

I lick my way up her seam, from entrance to clit, then back down again, so hungry for the very essence of her. For every drop, every moan, every goddamn gasp. I want them all. They’re mine. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is fucking mine.

I’ve never related to women when they would make bold statements like sex with him was a religious experience. I always blew it off as an exaggeration for the purposes of bragging to their friends that they had amazing sex. A dramatization, if you will. A fun anecdote in the break room or at a party. Over text. A giggling conversation in a bar. Fuck that. I now believe them. And I’d like to go back in time, high-five every woman who’s ever said that in my company, and buy them a drink. Because holy shit on a cracker, it’s a real thing. And he hasn’t even been inside me yet.

“Why are you so hot?” I ask, not at all embarrassed that the words came out of my mouth because the man should have statues made of his likeness. “Like how? It’s unfair. It’s probably illegal. You could go to jail, Blake.” He snorts and kisses up my jaw as he settles his hips between mine, pushing my legs up and out to the side so we can see every single thing happening down there. “You’re the sexy one,” he says as he lines the crown of his cock up with my opening, dragging it up and down through my wet slit, making me squirm with every pass over my already pulsing bundle of nerves. “I can’t resist you. I can’t stay away from you, Harper. Please don’t ask me to stay away from you anymore.”

He’s balanced on his elbows, his hands in my hair, and he’s staring down at me with those hot, dark eyes that seem to see right through me. I’ve never felt as vulnerable as I do when I’m with this man. As open. I’d tell him anything he wants to know. But the vulnerability doesn’t make me want to run away. I don’t want to close him out. Because I see it reflected back to me, and it’s maybe the most precious gift anyone has ever given me.

“Fuck, you’re stunning.” His eyes sweep over my torso and up to my eyes again. His hands grip my hips so hard, I’m bound to have fingerprint bruises tomorrow, and I can’t freaking wait. I want to see his marks on me.

this wasn’t a fuck pad. It’s my home. It’s my safe place.” “But you brought me here.” He steps closer, if that’s even possible, and tips my face up so he can kiss me softly. His fingers on my chin almost scorch me, they feel so damn good. “Yeah, I brought you here. I want you here, Harper. For the first time in my life, medicine isn’t my only focus. It’s exhilarating and exciting, and I hope you’ll let me spend a lot of time with you. To get to know you, fuck you, enjoy you.” I swallow hard at his words. Blake wants to date me.

“I know that our schedules are tough,” he continues as if his words aren’t devastating. “But we can figure it out. There are no other women. I promise you that. Jesus, you’re all I think about, Harper. You’re all I see.” And just like that, every tiny shred of doubt or jealousy is wiped away. Because how could any woman have a man say those words to her and still think that he’d fuck around on her? Not me. And I was once with a man who did fuck around on me. But he never said words like that. He never made me feel like I was worthy of every bit of his energy until nothing was left over for anyone else.

I want you, here in my home and my bed, with me. This is exclusive, sugar.” I nod and reach up to drag my fingertip over his bottom lip. “I prefer exclusive.” “Good. Me too because if another man puts his hands on you, I won’t be happy. Now, let’s get cleaned up so I can mess you up again.”