Julie Chan Is Dead

by Liann Zhang

Being a young woman is already like existing in the seventh circle of hell.

I’m addicted to the way I grow hateful. Crave how it fills me with vitriol. Being angry and envious is better than being empty.

Recognizing problems is pointless when you have little motivation to fix them. And finding motivation is impossible when the mere idea of existing feels like a punishment.

Social media is the biggest thief of time but it’s also an impossibly addictive form of escape.

Is this what it feels like to be an addict? If so, I think I might be addicted to the refreshing animation on Instagram. The sound of notifications. The sight of views going up. The support of my Chloe Crew. The rush of compliments and praise at my fingertips. I’m itching for it—the fix of social media. Without it, I’m empty, a void. An iPad kid without her iPad.