Julie Chan Is Dead

by Liann Zhang

Being angry and envious is better than being empty.

Recognizing problems is pointless when you have little motivation to fix them. And finding motivation is impossible when the mere idea of existing feels like a punishment.

Social media is the biggest thief of time but it’s also an impossibly addictive form of escape.

Fuck being yourself; being someone else is so much better.

It’s easy to forget that genuine good can come from our interconnectedness. It’s there for people who need it. If you’re lucky, it can open up the world.

start wondering if cardio classes are the elite’s answer to self-harm.

It’s by powering through these difficulties, breaking through our physical fatigue, that we can build resiliency and excellence!”

Is this what it feels like to be an addict? If so, I think I might be addicted to the refreshing animation on Instagram. The sound of notifications. The sight of views going up. The support of my Chloe Crew. The rush of compliments and praise at my fingertips. I’m itching for it—the fix of social media. Without it, I’m empty, a void. An iPad kid without her iPad.

“Obviously, we all worked hard to get to where we are. But acknowledging our privilege is still important. We all put in our hours. We are all on the grind. We’ve all sacrificed. But some people sacrifice less and get more. And other people work themselves to the bone and get scraps. That’s the nature of life and social media is not an exception.”

It doesn’t matter what I truly think, what logic or reason is ticking in my brain, holding me back. I must sacrifice it all into the fire, let it burn away. I can’t lose the chance to be accepted, to become inextricably linked, not when I’ve finally found kin who understand my faults, who hold me with affection, who love me as Julie and no one else.

the promise of connection and power is corrupting, can push us to do terrible things when we’re lonely and desperate.