Not Catching Love (Accidental Love, #5)

by Saxon James

“Well, I flat out refuse to see you die, so you better take your vitamins because if you try to leave first, I’ll dig you up myself and recreate Weekend at Bernie’s.”

I love Aggy!!

“No. Dear god, no. That sounds horrendous. But I will promise not to leave until I know you’re looked after. So, if you could get moving on that, it would be much appreciated.”

if she dies im gonna riot

“I’m stuffed more than a star stripper’s thong,”

I’m supposed to be sexually active and a total deviant and be all nom nom for the cock. I don’t think I’m doing the right kind of gagging over it.

“I’ve walked in here and insulted everything you have.” “Not true. You haven’t said a thing about my desk yet.” “Big and wooden. What a cliché.”

This is exactly why I love him. Not that I’d let him commit murder for me. Probably.

Aggy will be stubborn enough to die in that house. Probably on an expensive piece of furniture too. Then we’ll have to lie about the whole dead body thing when we sell it. I wouldn’t put it past her to haunt the place either.

“Am I your little bug?” I refuse to answer that. You don’t name a pet unless you want to get attached, and I figure you don’t pet name a person unless you want to fuck yourself over. “It works, you know,” he says, not letting it drop. “Because you like bugs, and I’m scared of catching them. Not bugs like insects—bugs like flesh-eating viruses that corrode your lungs and make your brain bleed out of your ears, but same thing.”

“Why do you move it?” “I don’t. But somehow, it ended up in the downstairs bathroom.” “Maybe you took it down there to water it?” He thinks for a moment. “That actually makes perfect sense.”

“I’m Manny. That’s Cherry, Dongo, Flipper, and Tim.” “Tim doesn’t get a nickname?” “Who says the others do?”

He looks up suddenly. “Oh, hey. I think this is the moment I’m supposed to tell you that if you mess with him, I’ll kill you.” “Okay, get it out of your system.” “If you mess with him—nah, I can’t do it. We both know he’ll be the one to kill you. But I can promise to help him hide your body.”

I’m regretting absolutely all of it because clear rules mean that we can’t fudge things or “accidentally” be less than platonic. Xander made sure of that, proving he’s more of a grown-up than I am. “What if I leave, catch a cold, and then end up with pneumonia and die?” he asks, and I take back my grown-up assessment.

Derek: Keep going, you’re making me feel really good about my decision to be over seven thousand miles away. Xander: Seven THOUSAND. What if I die before you get back? Derek: I’ll leave early to cry at your funeral.

Xander: Do me a favor? Derek: Anything. Xander: Leave your sense of logic in Cambodia.

Like we had before Bertha, and now after. Soon, there’ll only be Kismet left. Ready to hiss at whoever comes next.”

I’m relieved, because while I love that he gets to do something he’s passionate about, I’m still not on board with being a bug lover. The further the bees are from me, the better. I’ll help them out by eating their honey.

“You have all been a pain in my side since I met you,” she says. “Christian with the tittie-grab and Seven with his music. I’ve had to teach Molly to cook from scratch, basically adopt Rush, have seen more of Madden than my poor heart can take, babied dear Gabe, and Xander, my love, I have never met someone with such an attitude in my entire life.”