That One Moment

by C.S. Autumn

One look at the smile gracing Caiden’s beautiful face and I begin to wonder if I’ve been wrong all along. What if it’s possible to fall in love more than once?

I’ve stopped equating the things we do with what I think Cooper will have wanted for us because there’s no way to know. However, I’m certain he’d have been sad to know how much Jamie lost when he died.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m trying to be mad at you,” I retort. And isn’t that the story of my life? I’ve never been good at holding on to my anger where Jamie’s concerned.

Correct, I do, even if I haven’t said the words yet. I love him despite the times he makes me mad enough to see red.

“Need your mouth, need more of you.” Doesn’t he know he already has every bit of me?

But you can’t only find your happiness in me. That has the potential for disaster. You need to find it somewhere else too.”

“It is what I want, but I think I’m afraid to want too many things. The more I hold on to, the more things that make me happy, the more I have to lose.” He squeezes me tighter and whispers, “I think I’m broken.”

“Love isn’t a finite, tangible thing that we give away once and then it’s gone. It’s infinite and renewable and available in abundance. And it is scary because we don’t know what’s around the corner, but you can’t let fear hold you back.”

“Now you know where to look, so you can always find him.”

Nothing could ever bring my twin back, but having this little piece of the universe dedicated to him, gives me something incredible - the chance to see him in the place Cooper wanted me to find him.

He’s gorgeous. Beautiful. Equal amounts arrogant and modest, a combination of soft curves and jagged edges, gentle touches and fierce kisses. He’s my favourite song - the melody that stirs my heart and the rhythm that pulses in my blood.

“I love you. I can’t promise you forever, because we both know that’s not a promise anyone can make. But I can promise you every breath and every beat of my heart.”

Jamie makes me happy. He makes me strong, though he keeps saying my strength is all me. He makes me want to wake up in the morning and kiss his silly face and smile until my face hurts. He made me want things I didn’t think I deserved. He makes me believe I do.

“While he may have once been my world, you are my entire universe. You are the sun, and the moon, and every cosmic space between. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and the greatest love I have ever known.”

“We’re some kind of amazing, Jay. Something good.”