He Leadeth Me: An Extraordinary Testament of Faith

by Walter J. Ciszek

Despite my excitement, I sensed this was a moment of the greatest importance. It was a turning point, a new departure, and it was going to influence my whole future life. Yet it was what I had always wanted, hoped for, dreamed about since that day at St. Andrew’s. I was more than ever certain now it was the will of God for me. And underneath all my happy discussion with Makar of future plans, I felt again that immense joy, that deep interior peace, that intense conviction I had felt when first I heard the call to the Russian apostolate on that day years ago. It was not to be that easy, though. The next morning brought with it a flood of second thoughts. Had I let my enthusiasm for an old dream run away with my better judgment? Could I be so sure of God’s will? Wasn’t I interpreting the present situation as a “sign” of God’s providence only because I wanted it to be that way? Wasn’t I merely following my own desires and simply calling them God’s will for me? Anyone who has ever wrestled with his conscience over a particular course of action has experienced what I went through then. Any young man or woman who has felt called to a vocation and then hesitated, wondering if the call is genuine, knows the agonies of such second thoughts and how powerful the counterarguments can be. Reason and rationalizations boil through your mind. There are present and future responsibilities toward family and friends to think of, thoughts of the good to be done at home or in other possible wa...