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Women shouldn’t have to fight in war. It was fundamentally wrong, but it didn’t escape me that Alexis had nearly decimated two Titans with wings, all by herself. How someone so delicate could be so powerful was beyond my understanding.
“Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo,” I whispered into the shadows. “For you, my carus. Always.” It was a promise. If I cannot move Heaven, I will raise hell.
“Hello, princess.” Kharon tangled his hand deeper into my curls, pulling my head back. “Hello.” I tangled my hands in his short silky hair. “Karen.”
He’d sewed his ear onto the side of my head that had irreversible internal damage. The side that was deaf. “What have you done?”
“Don’t blame yourself—it’s not your fault he’s an idiot.”
The sacrifice Kharon made for me was heinous—it was the most generous, worst thing anyone had ever done for me.
They thought I was a bad liar. I wasn’t. Not when it really mattered.
“Poco,” he whispered. The raccoon climbed up my back, then stood up on my shoulder with his tiny fists resting on his hips. Kharon’s face dropped as his hellhounds slunk across the atrium to flank me. Bony tails lowered as they growled menacingly.
My husbands looked on with devastation as I walked away with their protectors at my side.
Augustus looked at me, and the unspoken holy fucking shit hung between us. Our wife was a beast.
Hell and Hound prowled in front of me, and Fluffy Jr. walked at my side with Poco on his neck.
“Tell them you’d feel better if they crawled and kissed your feet.” She paused like she was thinking about it. “Also, they need to be naked. That part is crucial.”
Apparently, I had no innate sense of self-preservation. Yay?
How I’d managed to find a man more socially inept than myself should be studied. “Tell them that you’ll accept their regret,” Nyx hissed. “But only if they give you a sexual favor. Woman’s choice.”
Kharon swore viciously in the hall, like he’d just realized verbally attacking his wife was not yielding a positive result.
Poco climbed toward me until his whiskers tickled my face. “I told you that we can’t keep doing this,” I whispered. He patted his tiny hand against my cheek as if telling me not to worry, then he curled up into a furry ball, his back pressed against mine.
“Men who hurt women don’t deserve to live.”
Poco was sitting on Fluffy Jr.’s back, holding his ears like reins, and his gray fur looked more unkempt than usual. Is anyone spritzing him with water? He clearly needs a trim. What are they doing?
Black scales shimmered into existence as she became visible—Nyx’s head hovered over my pointer finger, mouth wide open, fangs on display. She coiled tighter on my arm, ready to strike—vibrant purple snake eyes watched Kharon.
“Alexis,” Augustus said with menacing softness, his gaze locked on Nyx. “Please tell me that snake doesn’t have purple eyes . . . because that would mean you’re pointing a venomous echidna at us like it’s a gun.”
“Do you even know—” Kharon overenunciated each word “—what class seven means?” I shook my head no, curious to see how he’d mansplain Nyx to me.
“Echidnas are uncontrollably dangerous,” Kharon continued mercilessly. “Their toxin can kill full-grown Spartan children and put adults into comas . . . forever.”
“Are you threatening me?” Kharon seemed flabbergasted. I arched an eyebrow mockingly. “Obviously, Karen.”
I was done apologizing to men. They could beg for my forgiveness or go fuck themselves.
Augustus said Helen told him that people who loved each other gave each other space when they needed it. Those people sounded like actual idiots.
I was a simpler man. Diamonds, roses, weapons, and blood were my love language.
Nyx hissed. “Accept the pretty jewelry. Don’t be ungrateful—it’s tacky.”
“I like the muzzled one best,” Nyx said. “And the raccoon mother second best. I prefer men who don’t speak. Men should be seen—slaughtering and protecting—not heard. I’ve always said this.”
One bed.
Grandma? Something told me she would not like it if I called her meemaw or gammy.
I was intrigued. I’d always wanted to be involved in family drama, and this seemed extremely promising.
Demeter’s scowl deepened. Meemaw’s not happy.
We were standing in front of the powerful Spartan leaders who ruled the world, preparing to compete in what was rumored to be the most dangerous competition on earth, and my husbands were eye fucking me.
Are there support groups for perverts?
“You should have sex with them already—it’s getting weird.” No, it’s been weird.
This entire experience (my life) was becoming increasingly more unfortunate.
I shrugged, because a little male harassment never hurt anybody. Womanhood was complicated. Men could never understand the lifestyle.
“Are you sure you went through puberty?” “Everyone is beautiful in their own way,” I mumbled under my breath. Nyx’s scales slid smoothly against my skin as she slithered around my arm. “Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.”
Is everyone in Sparta a pervert? I was starting to sense a theme.
“I’ve always liked that Karen man,” Nyx hissed sarcastically as she slithered around my shoulders.
No one fears the weak. I would play Zeus’s game, until it was time to play mine.
The Montana education system had failed me.
Relief filled me. If the Olympians were going to make us fight to the death, the least they could do was put on a performance. Flash a penis, show a boob.
“I’m just a pervert.” They narrowed their eyes like they couldn’t figure out if I was joking, or if this was a cry for help. It was both.
I was waiting for the nudity and aggressive humping to start, in a purely intellectually tortured, eighteenth-century poet dealing with their sexuality sort of way. Unfortunately, it hadn’t. Entertain me, peasants!
Why is no one naked yet? I was bored. And a little drunk. Where is my granny (Demeter)? I pouted when I couldn’t find her because I really wanted to give her a big hug. Worst-case scenario, meemaw killed me; best-case scenario, meemaw killed me. It was a win-win.
From the death glare Kharon shot back at me, he did not find this funny. Men just don’t understand comedic timing.
“If we were men,” Nyx said, “I’d have a bigger dick than you.”
“Please—women have already reclaimed the word whore. It’s not rude. It’s a fact.” I squinted. “Wait . . . when did we reclaim it?” Nyx made a noise like she thought I was the biggest idiot. “Uh, during the apocalypse. Where have you been, Alexis?”
I was surrounded by idiots.
