If Only In Our Dreams (Christmas Daddies, #3)

by Fae Quin

Only I was glad I’d slipped up now, because he’d laughed. I made him do that. I got the feeling he didn’t laugh often.

He was so damn pretty it was distracting.

But now that I’d heard Ben’s laugh, I had a feeling the snow’s beauty wouldn’t compare. Not to his laugh lines.

Because if there was one thing that had just become obvious to me it was the fact that Robin was my kryptonite.

If I’d been less exhausted I might’ve noticed that a third, heavier set of steps didn’t sound for a solid minute after the girls had left. That Ben was watching over me from the doorway, protective and sweet, and everything I’d never let myself dream I could have.

Robin felt…well… He felt different. He was my exception. In most things.

I said softly—always soft because I didn’t think anyone else had treated Robin gently.

“I like to think I’m a very calm person. But even I sometimes…break.”

And it was easy to love him in the blanket of night, with his snores a symphony in the quiet room. It was easy to tap out a love song against his knuckles, to soak up his warmth, to pretend—if only for a moment—that I’d been lying that day I’d sat in the dark, eggnog in my belly, and shown Ben my blackened heart.

In his bed, I wasn’t poison. I was just me. And he was Ben. And for a moment, I let myself pretend that this could be forever.

“These sweatpants should be illegal,” I told him, yanking down the fabric unceremoniously. “You should be in prison right now.” He just chuckled, but otherwise didn’t say a word.

robin kills me lmao

Ben was the comfort I’d never known I needed. He was strength and home and trust. He was laughter, shared wine glasses, and belonging. He made me want to stay.

“That’s okay,” Ben murmured, unfazed by the tears. “That’s okay. I’m here. I’m here now, sweetheart.” He kissed me again. “I’ll take care of everything. So that you can rest.”

Maybe that was love. Accepting that one day you might lose the person that made your heart full, but choosing them anyway. The deeper I sank, the harder it would be to heal, but I was at peace with that.

“Can’t Robin’s home be with us?” Jane asked, quiet and pure. “We love him,” Rosie told me matter-of-factly. “He can have my bed if you don’t want to share yours anymore.”

MY HEART

He shone so bright sometimes, all I could do was bask in his light.

It was effortless to kiss him then, to imagine a world where all of this was easy. Where we got to keep him. A world full of Christmases like the movies, haunted houses, and pets. A world where Robin Johnson was ours forever, my missing other half.

Seeing Robin’s chaos made me happy. Almost as happy as knowing that he was healing, that he was nesting, in his own way.