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He opened the envelope. The seeping was from a rotting, severed hand. It was small. A child’s hand. Beneath it was a sealed plastic bag, smeared with gore, containing paperwork and photographs. Individually, they were distasteful. Collectively, they were damning.
None of it was true. All of it had been dreamt up. But it didn’t matter. It looked true. Truer than the truth.
The Greywaren was real, and those two boys had it, but it didn’t matter, because they were untouchable, and they knew it.
Blue Sargent was afraid. There are many good words for the opposite of afraid. Unafraid, fearless, unfrightened. Some might suggest courageous or brave as opposites. But Blue Sargent was brave because she was afraid.
Cabeswater would not let Adam die because of the bargain, and it would protect Ronan for reasons unknown.
Outside of the cars, Blue begged Calla, “Please stay here and keep time with Matthew.” “No way, chicken. I’m coming with you,” Calla said. “I’m not letting you do this by yourself.” “Please,” Blue said again. “I’m not by myself. And I can’t take it if —” She didn’t finish. She couldn’t say if you died, too. Calla put her hands on either side of Blue’s head, smoothing down her unsmoothable hair. Blue knew that she was feeling everything that Blue couldn’t say, but she was okay with that. Words were impossible. Calla studied Blue’s eyes. Her fingers studied Blue’s soul. Please trust me please
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“Say it,” Ronan told Gansey. “Say what?” “Excelsior.” “That’s onward and upward,” Gansey said. “It means to ascend. That’s opposite.”
Gansey made a terrible sound and rested his forehead against the wall. Blue’s hand shot out to grab his, tightly.
Gansey touched his lower lip very gently. He lowered his hand, and he said, “Wake up.” He said it like he had said stop earlier. He said it in a voice Adam had heard countless times, a voice he could never not listen to.
“Are you the real Ronan?” He scoffed. “I’m serious.” “Yes, maggot,” Ronan said. He peered around as uneasily as she did, which made her feel a little better about him. It was the lake, or something on the underside of it, that was making her nervous.
Suddenly, she felt arms around her, yanking her away from the lake’s edge. The arms around her were trembling, too, but they were iron tight, scented with sweat and moss. “It’s not real,” Ronan told her, voice low. “It’s not real, Blue.” “I saw her,” Blue said, and she heard the sob in her voice. “My mother.” He said, “I know. I saw my father.” “But she was there —” “My father’s dead in the ground. And Adam saw your mother farther on in this godforsaken cave. That lake is a lie.” But it felt real to her heart, even if her head knew better.
For a moment they remained that way, Ronan holding her as tightly as he would hold his brother Matthew, his cheek on her shoulder.
“Don’t leave this shore,” Blue said. “Well, not forever. But — promise me you’ll stay a reasonable amount of time. I’ll just see what it looks like on the other side.” “Assuming you don’t disappear, you mean.” He wasn’t improving her already tested courage. “Ronan, stop.” He leveled a heavy gaze at her, the sort he normally used to bend Noah to his will. “If she’s over there …” Blue began. “Yeah, I know,” he snarled. “Fine. Wait.”
Ducking his head, he pulled off his ghost light and hung it over her shoulder. She didn’t bother to say, But you’ll be waiting in darkness. Nor did she say, If I vanish immediately into the lake, you’ll have to find your way out of here sightless. Because he’d already known both these things when he’d given it to her. Instead she said, “You know, you’re not such a shithead.” “No,” Ronan replied, “really I am.” Turning to the water, she allowed herself the brief gift of closing her eyes and shaking her head a little with the fear and awfulness of what she was about to do. Then she stepped in.
She turned to find Ronan crouched down a few feet up onto dry land, arms wrapped around his knees, already waiting for the darkness to take him. When he met her eyes, he gave her an unsmiling salute before she turned back around.
Because on the other side of the man was Maura Sargent. She was still, her hands stuffed in her armpits, but she was alive. Alive, alive, alive, and Blue’s mother, and she loved her, and she had found her.
“Ronan?” Her voice spread and softened in the space, eaten by the black. A pause. Somewhere, water dripped. Then: “Sargent?” “I found her! There’s another way out! Can you manage to get out the way we came?” Another pause. “Yeah.” “Then go!” “Really?” “Yeah, there’s no point if you can’t cross!” It was more dangerous for him to be there in the dark and unknown, and she wouldn’t be able to take her mother and Artemus back that way.
To Blue, he said, “Listen to me. Take them and go. I’ve earned this. This is how I’ve lived and this is what it’s come to. You haven’t done anything to deserve this, nor has your mother. Now is the time to be a hero.”
Blue replied as she used the switchblade she had hidden in her hand to silently slice the zip ties that bound his wrists. She stepped back. He remained bowed over, with his hands behind his back, but he raised one colorless eyebrow at her.
“Blue, down!” the Gray Man shouted. He was already moving.
“I’m so sorry,” she said after a few minutes. “I’m so so so sorry. I’m going to buy you a car and make your bedroom bigger and all we’ll ever eat is yogurt and …” She trailed off, and finally they released each other. The Gray Man stood by her elbow, and when she turned, she made a face, and then she touched his stubbled cheek. “Mr. Gray,” she said. He just nodded. He traced one of her eyebrows with his finger in an efficient, competent, in-love kind of way, and then he looked to Blue. She said, “Let’s go find the others.”
“You must come visit me,” Malory said. “You can see the tapestry. We will mince along the old tracks for nostalgia’s sake. The Dog would like it if Jane came as well.” “I’d like that,” Gansey said politely.
