The Emperor of Gladness

by Ocean Vuong

“Man, I forgot you’re just a child.” There was no free-floating globe, Maureen explained, because the earth was controlled by reptilians living underground, whose tunnels can be accessed only through a secret entrance on an ancient ice sheet on the “forbidden continent,” and all the politicians—including every American president since Kennedy—have privately visited Antarctica to make deals with these lizards. For some reason, Hai hadn’t pinned Maureen for a tinfoil hat. “What, you think they just all love icebergs? Even the goddamn Pope? Give me a break. They’re checking out the entrance, maybe even going down there, snooping around. Why you think there’s no country in Antarctica? Think about it now. Really think about it.” She swallowed as they stopped at a crosswalk. An old woman with a headscarf was struggling against the wind, a tiny smudge of a dog in her arms. When they passed, she turned up her face and stared blankly at them with black eyes. “The dinosaurs, they never died off, you get me? They evolved, just like us. Except they got a few million years’ head start on us. Now they’re intelligent lizards feeding off our negative energy,” Maureen went on.